I recently had a conversation with a male that stirred up a topic that had been laid to rest years ago in one of my GEM meetings. He’s in a healthy relationship and he and his girlfriend, whom I am very close to, see no red flags that would suggest a break up anytime soon. During this conversation, his girlfriend wasn’t present but he talked of her as if she was standing right beside me. He talked about how much he loves her and how she has him completely hooked. I was intrigued for a moment, wondering if my boyfriend has ever spoken of me to others with such happiness and contentment. Anyways, the problem arose when he ended his confession of love by happily exclaiming, “That’s my bitch!”

You can imagine just how wide my eyes got after hearing this. His girlfriend is as a sister to me, and I wondered how she’d feel if she had heard this exclamation. I wondered if this was acceptable to her. Without judging them or their relationship, I stood there for a moment, shocked at what I had just heard. Now, I have only known this young man for a few weeks; but, anyone that knows me knows that I have to say whatever is on my mind. So, I did.

I told him that there is absolutely no way that I would allow my boyfriend to ever call me a bitch, bihh, or any other variation of the word. I am so much more than that, and I will be treated as such. His rebuttal was something along the lines of there being an understanding between him and her and that she knows that when he says it, it’s a term of endearment. “My bitch bad! But only I can say that, though. Anybody else that says it, imma have to check em. But my girl a bad bitch!” I stood back and observed the seriousness that was on his face. I, then, ended the conversation before it went any further and decided to finish it in an article.

Now I ask you, the reader: How stupid did the title of this composition sound? Very stupid, right? Not only that, but how stupid would you have thought I was if this composition actually supported the thought of allowing my boyfriend to refer to me using the “b word”? I would never, in a million years, allow the man that I’m in love with to use such a derogatory term while trying to distort its meaning to a positive one. When I think of the term, I automatically imagine a redbone with a very slim waist, a huge behind, and long hair wearing a leotard/thong combination with stilettos. I look nothing like that and neither does his girlfriend. I believe that every woman is a queen and that their significant others should understand and respect this. I’m not controlling or overbearing; I simply refuse to tolerate anything less than the respect that all women deserve. And I’m no rocket scientist, but I think that calling your girlfriend a bitch just might be disrespectful.

Not only is it degrading and an insult to our womanhood, it is also hypocritical. If my boyfriend, whom I am in love with and whom I’ve only known for nearly two years now, is allowed to call me a bitch with the notion that he's expressing his love for me in doing so, so should my parents, right? And my aunts and uncles…and cousins. They’ve all known me much longer, and I’m sure that they all love me far more than my boyfriend does. Since the “b word” is all of a sudden so endearing, everyone who loves me should just forget my real name! Why don't I just become everybody’s bitch?

I’m all for individuality and uniqueness. In fact, I’m known for blowing off disagreements with the statement, “To each his own.” So, the same goes for this situation. If this happy couple likes it, I love it. But, know that it won’t be happening in my relationship.