Dear ex-boyfriend,

Yes, I know we never actually dated, trust me, I’m the last person you have to tell that but we did have something. Even though that “something” wasn’t a relationship with romantic dates, a bouquet of roses, and phone calls that lasted until 3 a.m. I cared about you so much that if it were up to my feelings alone we would’ve had all that and more. I would’ve moved mountains for you and given you the world if it were mine but you never gave me the chance.

I know I sound bitter and that’s because a part of me is. That part spent an entire year trying to get you to notice me and win your affection. When you did notice that I was more than just another girl my heart soared and I felt like things for us were looking up. But then after a day or two things would return to normal and I would be left trying to trying to win your attention back again. It went on and on like this, one step forward and two steps back.

So I know what you’re thinking, how in the world would I consider you my ex-boyfriend if everything we went through was like that? And my answer is easy; you taught me more lessons than any other boy had.

From you I learned that I want someone who likes me fearlessly. With you it felt like you were afraid to truly let yourself go and commit to me. Looking back, I spent an entire year hung up on you when you never even could like me the way I deserve. You also taught me that I need to open up my emotions and ask the hard questions. I never asked you how I felt because I was terrified of rejection. Looking back that’s where I went wrong and that is my regret. If I would have asked you would you have said yes and we could’ve taken the steps forward we needed? Or would you have said no and I could’ve moved on?

Two of the most valuable lessons you taught me and those only just scratch the surface. My year liking you was a rollar coaster. It had its lows and it had its highs. I will always keep the memories we made close to my heart. I’ll never forget you holding me on the dance floor and telling me I looked beautiful or those meaningless conversations we had that meant everything to me at the time. So thank you, thank you for it all. Thinking about you sometimes is hard but you taught me so many valuable lessons and made so many memories with me.

Love, Your ex-girlfriend that was never actually your girlfriend