I don't think you understand just how perplexing you are. Or maybe you do, and you just can't help it. I refuse to believe that you'd put me through this on purpose because the lack of balance between your actions and your words is by the far the worst manipulative power play you could have pulled. You never seemed like that person, but maybe hurt changes us all in ways we don't exactly realize.
You've become this narcissistic, cold, and controlling person who only accepts situations on their terms. It's as if you're so blinded by what you want, you can't see what I need for my mere sanity. You can't put other people before yourself and you've always claimed to care about me more than anyone else in my life, yet your actions negate all those words.
But I'm done believing your baseless words. Your actions prove what kind of person you are, and you're just a confused little boy. You don't know what you need, you lash out in ways that are honestly pathetic and desperate. You push all the good in your life away and then cry about why "life is always out to get you." You can never look to yourself and face the decisions that brought you to that point.
This isn't to say you're a bad person, you just aren't aware of your actions or the consequences of your actions and no one has told you that you need to grow up and deal with those emotions instead of projecting them onto me.
I'm done. I'm finished with justifying your childish and toxic behavior. I'm done with you pulling me in, then pushing me away. Your mixed signals aren't worth my time or energy. Being drunk, or controlled by your emotions isn't a justification either because you never gave me that courtesy.
It's not fair that I spend time trying to make sense of your actions and words trying to get a sense of you. Because honestly, I have to figure out myself. My life, my goals, and what I need from people. I don't need to be worried about your words and actions and how they never balance out.
Actions will always speak louder than words. You can promise me things, you can apologize a hundred times over, you can proclaim whatever it is your heart desires but you can't just be all talk. If you can't back up your words, no one will ever trust you.
And I'm done with you flipping every problem onto me, for once I'd love for you to take responsibility for your poor decisions. I'm done protecting your feelings at my expense, especially if you can't do the same for me.
I'm not here to fix you.
I'm not here to mother you.
And I sure as hell am not here to put up with your bullshit.
So this is me officially telling you that I'm done. I'm done trying to solve a never-ending puzzle of "why would he say this?" and "why would do that?" I'm done having questions that I'll never get a full answer to and I'm done dealing with the meaningless apologies. I'm done trying to figure you out, because it just doesn't make sense anymore, nor is it worth it.
