Every girl has had that guy that she knows is not right for her. The guy her friends try to convince her not to like, the guy that she just feels so stuck on. Everyone knows the feeling of wanting someone so badly but also understanding they don’t want you back. Well, I have a few things to say to mine:
I think that, in some way, we have both known it from the moment we met. I want you. It is so obvious, I am as transparent as glass. I have wanted you since we met and I still, in some way, want you now, but I know it is not right. Despite every bone in my body telling me that you are not the right guy and that I should get over it, despite my brain telling me that the two of us would never work, despite all of my friends reminding me how different and incompatible we are, my heart still wants you. I have tried to move past it, and every time I think I have, I see you and fall right back to where I was. There is just something about you. I can never explain it because I don’t understand it myself, but there is just something that makes me unable to move on from you. I have had the same silly crush on countless other guys before, and yet you stick.
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This is not a mad, sad, or desperate plea. In fact, it is just the opposite. I want to finally thank you for being the bigger person. I want to thank you for somehow knowing that I liked you all this time and continuing to do nothing about it. If you would have brought it up, I would have been so mortified, but you didn’t. We continued to pretend like nothing weird was going on as if I wasn’t in love with you and you didn’t know. We had an unspoken bond, an understanding to pretend we didn’t understand. You knew that if anything were to happen it would kill me. You dealt with my weird, awkward attempts at flirting all year, you somehow remained friends with me, and you didn’t blink on days I just needed to see you even though it was super crazy.
When I look back on this year, you are what helped me to grow the most. You always knew that I didn’t need you, that we were not right, and probably that you didn’t and couldn’t ever return my feelings. You always knew that even best case scenario our relationship would end in screaming fights and lots of tears and hard feelings. We are so similar in some ways, ways that I thought would bond us and make us possible. You realized that the ways we are different made that impossible.
Now that we are away from school and roughly 250 miles and three hours separate us, my mind is so much clearer on what you were. You were my kryptonite, you were the guy that could make me weak at the knees with a glance, but you weren’t my future. In Greek, Sophomore means the wise fool, and that perfectly sums up you. I thought I was wise. I thought I knew better than everyone who was telling me about how badly we would end, how we would never happen, and how I just needed to move on. In reality, I was the fool. I should have seen the truth in their words and in your actions. So, I’m sorry you had to deal with my crazy. It could have been anyone and yet it was you, but you will never know how much respect I gained for you because of the way you handled it. I know that I am not an easy girl to deal with, and yet you did it with grace. You will always hold a place in my heart because you helped me grow up. You may not be that crush that I just can’t get over anymore, the summer has brought sun, new adventures, and new found understanding of our friendship, but there is something you should know. You will make some girl so blissfully happy someday. You will love her unconditionally, your life will begin and end with her. You will have a successful career, a happy marriage, a few kids that will most likely be brilliant, a white picket fence, and a dog. You will be happy, and although I realize now that that girl will not be me, I am so excited to see you happy.
