As far back as we can remember, the world has been obsessed with this phenomenon called "heterosexuality." I too, struggle to understand the draw to this type of lifestyle, however, it seems to be the only way to go when turning to media representation.

Every single human is born into this world with a predesigned label: blue for boys and pink for girls. Humans initially see everybody as heterosexual and cisgendered right from birth. This is reflected in the media as well, showing us young boys in Disney Channel shows having girlfriends and constantly producing new romantic comedies for girls to cry during.

I realized growing up that there was only one type of human represented in the media: heterosexuals. Where were the gay men or lesbian couples? It is clear the media does not give equal attention and representation to the LGBT community, and if they are shown, they are stereotypical and rarely have any real romantic ideals.

Growing up queer, I was thrown into a life of toy trucks and football when all I wanted were Barbie dolls and glitter. I dove back into my own memory to think of when I first saw love between anyone besides cisgendered heterosexual couples. Naturally, the first romances besides my own parents that I saw were from Disney movies.

This is where I and most every other child began the ever-so-subtle brainwashing that is heteronormativity. Heteronormative is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “noting or relating to behavior or attitudes consistent with traditional male or female gender roles and the assumption of heterosexuality as the norm” (Webster's). That is a technical definition, but I enjoyed the "Urban Dictionary" definition, “An uber-PC term used by very angry and radical LGBT elements, referring to the perception of heterosexuality as normal, and other orientations, by extension, as being different” (Urban Dictionary). As a very angry and radical LGBT element myself, I find this definition to be more fitting.

From birth, we are shown how boys should be manly and women should be ladies and that was that, with no wiggle room. Some may argue that heteronormativity is not real and is purely a result of the queer community being oversensitive. The important thing to remember when these accusations are made by the heterosexual community is that they have no grounds of experience to speak on, for they have never experienced a lack of representation.

Representation is much more important than we as a society believe it to be. At age sixteen I came out as gay to my family and friends. This was a time full of confusion on who I should be, how I should act and whether or not my feelings were real and valid. I never knew then how much representation could have helped my confidence in that time of confusion. I was watching movies and television shows about opposite-sex love, hearing it in music, reading about it in magazines.

I was hearing the word “gay” as slander, as an insult for real men, or as a synonym for the word “stupid”. I started to search for movies about LGBT love and relationships, but found very few; and the few queer romance movies I did find were not exactly blockbusters. Films circulated around LGBT relationships are never huge box office hits due to the sheer fact that producers believe that these movies will not make as much money at hetero-based films because they do not appeal to the general public. This belief that people of the queer community are a different type of people compared to “normal” people is the mindset that keeps this harmful cycle of no LGBT representation going.

There are some non-heterosexual characters in films and TV shows, but it is clear that the writers of these shows still try to please the majority of viewers by keeping every single stereotype alive in these characters. In homosexual male relationships there always will be a feminine man and a masculine man, and vice versa for females. I believe this stereotyping is intentional to keep the sanctity of the heterosexual romance alive in these homosexual relationships. This regularity in same-sex relationships has been studied for years. in the Journal of Sex Research, it is studied saying “Ross, Rogers, and McCulloch...go further and suggest that the attribution and adoption of opposite-sex gender roles by homosexuals is a function of social factors, particularly social pressures against homosexuality which tend to emphasize a heterosexual relationship as the only acceptable form of long-term interpersonal bonding at a sexual and emotional level” (Ross). So if each of the individuals in the relationship comply to the societal roles, then it becomes a valid and legitimate partnership.

I decided to look up some LGBT characters, plot-lines and artists from popular TV shows, movies and music to see how each group of the queer community was represented. I started with the gay man, as this is the closest to my personal situation. The first gay male I remember seeing on television was Jack from Will & Grace. Sean Hayes portrays a fun and festive gay man who lives in New York City dealing with every typical gay man problem. He has multiple love affairs throughout the show, deals with credit card overdraw, and can never pick an outfit. Jack had many male lovers throughout the series but no steady relationship. The assumption that gay men are fickle with their partners and never truly settled down stemmed from representations such as this. The character Jack is the epitome of a “GBF” stereotype. “GBF” is an acronym slang term for “gay best friend” which is a male companion to a female who is best described as an accessory. This was the beginning of the trend of the “GBF,” and the media began to showcase gay men as a new fad. Every girl had to have one, and this epidemic was best depicted in the 2014 film G.B.F (Stein). This movie stars a young teen boy named Tanner who is outed as a homosexual and suddenly becomes a hot commodity boy in school as each of the most popular girls try to snag him as a prom date. For a long stretch of time, this "GBF" stigma was the only representation gay men had in the media and there was still a huge lack of true love to be seen in pop culture.

More recently, things have looked up for male same-sex couples finding love in media. Currently, TV’s hottest gay male couple is Cam and Mitchell from the show "Modern Family." As a “very angry and radical LGBT element” I took the time to look a little closer into the relationship searching for the flaws in the portrayal of the gay marriage. However, as I watched numerous episodes, laughing with tears streaming down my face, I soon realized that this is the representation I had been waiting for. Cam and Mitchell do not have gender stereotypes forced on them, the two characters are very real and act just like any married couple would. There is no “wife” or “husband” dynamic in the partnership, just two people in love. I discovered how if I had seen these two in a happy, normal relationship, I would not have been as hesitant to live my lifestyle. Perhaps if more gay relationships were presented in this light, the stigma of the fickle, sex-obsessed gay man would begin to fade away.