To the boy who left me stranded,
You probably thought you won, don’t you? You found me drunk and vulnerable in a bar and saw me as an opportunity. You swept me away with your charm, your crystal clear blue eyes and the way we slow danced like there was no one around us. You created the fairytale for me, that every girl dreams of. But, in reality, you saw a vulnerable girl, who just wanted to be wanted and loved, and appreciated and you pounced on that. You saw an opportunity to be a dominant, to make me submit to you, and not in the sexy Fifty Shades of Grey way.
In a way that humiliated me, a way that took over my entire life, a way that made me forget who I was. You manipulated me into thinking you were the man for me, you were the answer to my prayers, you were everything. And then summer came, July to be exact, and my whole world turned upside down. Two little lines. No way this is right. This can’t be happening, this isn’t how it’s supposed to happen.
I’m supposed to be married with a house and a yappy dog behind a white picket fence. Not now. Not while I’m living in a mobile home. Not while I’m getting drunk every night. Not while I’m dating you, the manipulative man you are. I should be crying tears of joy, not tears of fear and anger. And my fear came true. You left. You said you couldn’t handle it, you couldn’t be a dad, and you left. Well ya know what? You should’ve thought about that when I told you I wasn’t on birth control. Instead of threatening me into having sex with you. You should’ve thought about the consequences when you refused to wear a condom.
But, honestly, I wish you well. I sincerely hope you’ve straightened up your life. Even though what you did to me was lower than low, you gave me my whole world. You gave me my reason for living. I hope one day you find the same joy I find in looking at the child we created. And I truly am sorry you don’t get to experience the wonderful person my son is.
He is in the 100 percentile for both height and weight, he got that from you. And he got your beautiful crystal clear blue eyes. He’s a ladies man, loves giving hugs to everyone he knows. He can count to 15, he knows his colors, the alphabet, all kinds of animals and he’s not even three yet. He’s definitely a smart kid. But, you’ll never experience this. You’ll never receive one of his awesome hugs, or see how bright his eyes light up when he finishes the alphabet and exclaims, “I did it!”. You’ll never get any of this, because you left us stranded, like a coward.
I do know, however, that I will not raise him to be like you. He may have your blood and your eyes, but he will not have your personality. He will be respectful to women, he will treat them with dignity and respect. He will make a career for himself, and he will be responsible.
Above all else, he will love God and he will love his momma. Cause I’m not the one who left him stranded.
