We've been such good friends for so long, it only feels right to give you a proper explanation. I have been trying to find the right way to say this without sounding like some girl who is just trying to blow you off.
But it's time I explained it to you.
You're wonderful, don't get me wrong. I think we make the absolute best of friends, and no, I'm not friend-zoning you. I'm just saying, we work as friends, and we just click.
I don't care how cliche it sounds but honestly, I just have no interest in being with anybody right now.
You can say it's because I'm trying to "find myself" or "meet new people," or whatever teenage rom-com break up line you want to, but the bottom line is: I'm not ready. I just want to be able to be with myself. Does that make sense? Let me explain.
I have never truly been alone. I have always either had my parents or my friends by my side. One was always there, guiding me in whatever I needed. I have never truly had to make decisions completely on my own or depend on myself for my happiness. I need to learn to count on myself and myself alone in order to ensure complete happiness on my part.
You know that basic saying, "You have to learn to love yourself before you can wholeheartedly love someone else?" Well, it's actually a pretty good thing to live by. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy with who I am, but I just want to be secure with who I want to become until I commit to someone else before committing to my future.
I am a college kid, 600 miles away from home, just trying to figure out what my next step is. I have always been very distant from not only people in general but even the ones I love. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a cautious one. But I let you in.
You are one of the few people that have seen me in my most vulnerable state; you know my deepest darkest secrets and I can't sacrifice a bond like that for feelings I don't even understand.
I'm sure you'll be able to understand where I'm coming from. I am not going to force a relationship simply because I feel bad for not reciprocating certain feelings. Trust me, I know you can't choose who you fall for.
I also know I am not the only person going through this inner battle. There are men and women everywhere who choose their careers, family, even themselves over finding love. Some aren't ready at the moment and don't know when they'll ever be. And that's fine, life is about finding yourself and being happy.
So, as long as you're happy, keep doing you. Don't ever feel pressured to love someone just because they love you — decide that on your own.
