Dear Boy,
I have found that every moment in life becomes more precious the further you get away from it and see the value of what you had once you can’t go back. I have come to value many things about our relationship and feelings that we once had (or maybe still have) for each other. But, there’s one thing that keeps pressing into my head that I have to let you know:
You didn’t deserve me.
You didn’t deserve any part of me. You didn’t deserve the laughs that we shared or the love that I carried for you in my heart. You didn’t deserve the sweet text messages or the way I would fall asleep thinking of you and hoping that my dreams were filled with us. You didn’t deserve the time I gave you or the way I gave so much (if not too much) of myself to you. You didn’t deserve to get to call me sweet names or hold me when we watched a movie. You didn’t deserve a place in my dreams for the future.
You didn’t deserve me.
And I didn’t deserve you.
I didn’t deserve the way you texted me at two a.m. so that when I woke up I’d see your messages. I didn’t deserve the way you would wait after classes just to see me for a moment as I ran to my next one. I didn’t deserve to have you take me to the movies when you hated what was playing or to dinner when you couldn’t stand the place we were eating. I didn’t deserve the way you held me when I cried, even when it was about someone else.
We didn't deserve each other.
Because, the truth of the matter is that on this earth, no one deserves anyone.
I didn’t deserve the way you left me alone to hang out with your friends. I didn’t deserve the way I became less of a value and more of a person who was just there. I didn’t deserve the tears you caused or the way you could make me feel less important than I was.
You didn’t deserve the way I lash out or that I’m a flirt and don’t always turn it off. You didn’t deserve the days I was stressed and blamed you. You didn’t deserve the nights I spent crying over somone from my past. You didn’t deserve to not be the guy I went to first.
We didn’t deserve each other because no one deserves the joy or the pain that comes from love. But somehow, we get to have it. Somehow, we got to have it with each other and that was something special. That is something I’ve truly come to value. Because love is the only thing that brings pain that always overshadowed by overwhelming joy.
So thank you for loving me and letting me love you even though it’s something that neither of us has ever or will ever come close to deserving. Sometimes getting what you don’t deserve can be exactly what you need at the time!
Sincerely,
The girl who didn’t deserve you
