Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Health and Wellness

From The Bottom To The Top Of The Depression Cycle.

Learning to deal with depression and bipolar disorder.

Jazmin Galdamez

Jun 14, 2016

College of the Atlantic

From The Bottom To The Top Of The Depression Cycle.

Jazmin Galdamez

Reminiscing back at my old texts, I find that I was very depressed. Down in the loop of sorts, lost within the sorts of all the madness that is life. No way, would anyone know how deep in a hole I was. I was ready to give up my life, I was so ready to give up.

Not anymore.
Now I can’t stop but keep on fighting, every single day is a fight for me. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, eating---at least I enjoy that part, sometimes showers too--- it’s all a fight. A fight to keep my life going. Because while I may be bipolar, it is no excuse to give up on my life. So I fight every day for the good fight of my life.

I can’t give up. If I do, there will be no tomorrow.
Medication, after medication, I can tell that there’s a change. There’s improvement. I’m more motivated, maybe even a bit more dedicated, to put motion into my life.
I’m definitely less sedated, off of alcohol and pot, and more in trance with the schedules of my medication that ought to include meditation. But getting down to those parts have become harder and yet easier within the path that I now dream to be taking.

I am dreaming again, I’m no longer just gazing and admiring. While it’s hard to admire, it’s become even easier to aspire.

Now I’m simply dealing with the consequences of time, watching it tick by the minutes and pass by the hours. There’s no escaping the dear ol’ major time-lord. While it is an atrocity, I have come to the ability of watching it fly by as I remember to not pay attention to the clock. That’s when I truly know, I truly have beat time, not by making it my bitch and using as much of it, but by slowing myself down enough that I’ve enjoyed my time and have allowed it to pass by without allowing it to have me break a sweat because the hour took its sweet ass time making its way to the o’clock.

So hey, I’m doing better. Better than “What If They Knew” which I wrote 1.5 years ago.

What If They Knew
What would the people say if they knew, if they knew that who I am is nothing like who I pretend to be?

What would they say if they knew, if they knew that what is meaningless to them is meaningful to me?
What would they say if they knew, if they knew that I am more at home now than I ever was before?
What would they say if they knew, if they knew that I have never been this happy?
What would they say if they knew, if they knew that I am helpless?

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Entertainment

7 Experiences All Girls With Resting Bitch Face Have Had

The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

University of South Florida

797

Pexels

In case you're unaware, "resting bitch face" is the term used to describe when a person's natural, expressionless face makes it look like they are mad at the world. Whether they are walking down the street or simply spacing out thinking about what to eat for dinner, it's very easy for others to assume that this person is either upset or mad at them. Because of this, those of us with Resting Bitch Face (RBF), and especially us women, have all experienced many of the same situations and conversations, including:

Keep Reading...Show less

rbf

Entertainment

The Stages Of A Crush As Told By The Cast of "Bob's Burgers"

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

Dean College

Google

We've all had a crush before. Whether it leads to something or nothing, the process has all been the same. The awkward feelings, the stalking, and the stress of trying to keep this huge secret. The feeling of becoming a total spazz is something that cannot be avoided, and the most spazzy family that can relate to this feeling is the Belcher's.

Keep Reading...Show less

bobs burgers

Adulting

Adulting 101: In Sickness And In Self

Everybody hurts sometimes.

Georgia State University

you didnt come this far to only come this far lighted text

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

At the tender age of 18, we are bestowed with the title of “adult.” For 17 years, we live under the rules and guidelines of our parents, school, and government, and to stray from any of those rules or guidelines marks us as a rebel. At 18, though, we must choose which college we want to go to or what career we want. We are allowed and encouraged to vote. We can buy lottery tickets and cigarettes. We can drop out of school, leave our household, and do other "adult" things. At 18, we start down a path of thinking for ourselves, when for the entirety of our lives other institutions have been mandated to think and do for us.

Keep Reading...Show less

adulting

Student Life

25 Thoughts Everyone Has When Registering For Classes

May the odds be ever in your favor.

University of Nebraska Omaha

811

University of Nebraska at Omaha

Creating your schedule for the upcoming semester can be an exciting process. You have the control to decide if you want to have class two-days a week or five-days a week. You get to check things off of your requirement checklist. It's an opportunity for a fresh start with new classes (which you tell yourself you'll never skip.) This process, which always starts out so optimistic, can get frustrating really quickly. Here are 25 thoughts you have when registering for classes.

Keep Reading...Show less

class registration

Student Life

10 Thoughts Of A 5th Year Senior

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

University of Kentucky

1311

pointsincase.com

"College will be the best four years of your life" is a phrase that we have all heard growing up. College is painted as a magical place to us while we are in high school. A place you go to learn, meet your best friends and probably have the time of your life while all of this is going down. Four whirlwind years, where everything that you've known changes and you start to learn what it means to live on your own, have a job, etc. But what about those of us who don't do this all in four years? Major changes, hard courses, switching schools, career paths changing, these are just a handful of factors that could extend your four years to five, six or seven. There is nothing wrong with taking extra time to graduate, but returning as a fifth-year is a little different. Most of your best friends have most likely graduated and moved and while you may be one of the oldest undergraduates on campus, you might feel as awkward as a freshmen. A world that became home and comfortable to you is still there but it's slightly different than you've known it to be and you have to find a groove to fall into. These are thoughts you'll have as you look ahead to returning to your college campus, with a victory lap planned.

Keep Reading...Show less

senior year

Recommended for you

From The Bottom To The Top Of The Depression Cycle.

Learning to deal with depression and bipolar disorder.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

Trending Topics

Top Creators

Trending Stories

Best of Health and Wellness

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments

Subscribe to our
Newsletter