I was thrilled to move out of my mother's house. Not because I don't love her and think she is the best Mom a kid could ask for, but because I was ready for a change in my life. I wanted to try doing things on my own. I was excited to explore what I perceived to be "adult life" and the opportunities that came with being all grown up. Nothing in the world could stop me from making the best out of my college experience.

My first school was the University of Maine at Farmington. I did not want to go there. Unfortunately though, I had limited options, so Farmington is where I went. However, as time wore on and I was accepted to their Creative Writing program, I started to get excited. I loved packing for school. I loved bragging about my financial awards (small though they were). I loved taking the car up to Farmington and moving all my stuff in. As I started classes, I loved my professors. I can honestly say that my first college creative writing class changed my life. Most of all though, I loved the friends I made. Everything was going fabulously.

Except, Farmington was small... and there wasn't a lot to do... and when winter came, it was cold. After a few months at school I got bored with classes. They felt easy, except for my creative writing ones. I got bored with my new room, and with the routine I fell into. So I looked at other schools. My grades in my first year of college were stellar; I knew I could get into schools now that I hadn't been able to before. So I applied, and I got in. Saying goodbye to my friends was hard, and telling my professors I was leaving was hard--but my excitement was back.

I decided to transfer to Wilkes University in Wilkes Barre Pennsylvania. I had a few family members in the area, and my boyfriend at the time went to school nearby. It was about eight hours from home, rather than a mere two or three. I wouldn't be able to go home on weekends or get monthly visits. It wouldn't be as cold. The people there would be different than the Mainers I grew up with--at least a little bit. It was thrilling, it was an adventure, it was a rush. I'd changed my major, and now I'd be studying Psychology. I wanted to be an Occupational Therapist. I was going to graduate a year early.

The road trip down to Wilkes was fun. It was me, my sister, my mother, and our dog Gypsy along with all my stuff packed into one tiny car. Once again, I loved moving in. I loved starting classes. I loved being in a city bigger than the biggest city in Maine (yes, it's true, if only by population). But, I didn't like the professors as much... and I wasn't making friends very quickly... and the people here didn't smile and wave when they saw you... and the classes were harder...

My attitude about Wilkes University declined pretty quickly over the first month or two. I had expected too much from it, and my high expectations were being torn down. After that though, it wasn't so bad. I did like some professors (shout out to Dr. Newell and Dr. Tindell in the psych program at Wilkes). I did make a few friends, and they were amazing. The classes weren't hard, they were challenging, and I learned to accept that difference.

A bunch of stuff happened that first year at Wilkes that was hard on me, but a bunch of stuff happened that was amazing too. At the end of the year, I should have felt great for accomplishing something. I had pretty good grades. I had successfully transitioned into a new school, and a new state. I was still planning to graduate a year early, and after that? I wanted to go to graduate school overseas. I wanted to explore other cultures and learn and grow as a person. Instead of feeling great because of all those ideas and accomplishments though, I started to feel... worn out. Stuck. Like I wasn't progressing the way I should have been. I was craving another change, but after two years in two different schools I wouldn't be able to transfer to a third school and bring all my progress with me, so I had to stay where I was.

My classes became less exciting, and more mandatory. To me they weren't about learning, they were about passing. I needed to get good grades so that I could get into grad school. I needed to study so that I could get good grades. In psychology, there is a term for this: extrinsic motivation. It means that your motivation doesn't come from yourself, but from the things you want. I wasn't there to learn, I was there to get a grade. I wasn't motivated to improve myself, I was motivated to get into grad school, have a career, etc.That isn't necessarily a bad thing--but it did impact my experience of school.

My second year at Wilkes I stayed in that same mindset. I had to study. I had to pass my tests. I had to get good grades in all of my classes. I had to keep my GPA up. I also continued feeling stuck, like the whole thing was pointless, and I wasn't wrong. Considering my motivation and what I want in life, taking a class in world history didn't really matter. It wasn't helping me grow, it was stressing me out. It wasn't expanding my mind, it was cramming the night before a test and forgetting everything the night after. My life at school had become a mind-numbing routine. I was so bored with it all. So done.

So last summer I thought a lot about what I could do to make myself feel better about school, and I came to a few conclusions.

1) I really don't care what my grades are as long as I pass and my GPA doesn't suck.

In other words, as long as I'm getting done what I need to get done, my grades don't matter. It's not important how well I do on that test, because I'm absorbing the material I need to and I'm not failing. This thought has allowed me to relax and let go of a lot of built up anxiety I've had since I started at Wilkes. Whatever grad school I go to, whatever jobs I take, I will have the experience and knowledge I need to show, and that is more important than my grades.

2) School is not the be-all and end-all of my life.

I can do other productive things besides taking classes. Right now I'm working as a TSS with Community Counseling in Kingston, PA, and while the work is hard and stressful, it feels worthwhile. I'm passionate about helping kids with behavioral and developmental issues. That's why I wanted to be an OT, and that's why I'm now focused on becoming a behavioral specialist. I also have a wonderful boyfriend (love you, you better have read all this), and a wonderful family that supports me in every way that they can. I've been trying to talk to them more this fall than in past semesters, and it is doing me wonders.

3) Nothing in this world is more important than my dog anyways.

Don't laugh! Alright, you can laugh a little--but it's true. You can't look at a picture of my canine baby and tell me that he isn't the most precious thing in the world. Or at least, you won't be able to convince me he isn't.

The moral of my story? It's not healthy to dedicate all of your time and effort to one thing, like many college students are encouraged to do. Try not to focus so much on getting good grades, and try to live a little outside of your time on campus. Find a hobby. Adopt a pet, even if it's just a fish. Don't be ashamed to go to school part time or to take a semester off. Go out to eat once a week. Take a road trip.

I am only taking 12 credits this semester, and I'm working full time. I walk with my dog. I knit (grandma style). I rearrange my apartment every few weeks, because why not? I read a lot and I study and I sleep well. In other words, I'm feeling a lot better now that I have more than one thing to dedicate my time and energy to.

So please, take it from one who knows: life is all about balance. Don't let college be the only thing on the scale.