The night up until now had been, overall, quite disastrous. They’d missed the bus and had to settle for arriving almost two hours after their reservation. The tear in her blouse wouldn’t be hemmed any time soon. The soup spilled in his lap hadn’t quite dried yet and, annoyingly, the waiter still made as if he deserved a gratuitous tip. Of course he received it. It’s a special night. New Year’s Eve, 1995. In the Big Apple of all places! Who would’ve guessed?

Of course, Dan had this planned for the better part of five months. He knew where to go, what to avoid. What streets would be lined with drunk masses bellowing Auld Lang Syne and which would be forgotten. Secluded. Almost as if the New Year meant nothing and the stroke of midnight would just bring on another day. You know, those unknown hole in the wall restaurants. If they even deserved such a title. The one where the waitress would haphazardly take your order, not waiting for you to confirm no tomatoes. But she still brought it out just how you wanted. ‘Kiss From a Rose’ would probably be playing on the radio and…

Ok back to business. Stop thinking about nothing.

Jaime still hadn’t noticed they were heading away from Times Square and towards Central Park. Funny, considering she grew up just a few blocks away on West End. Maybe she knew! She’d been dropping hints for a couple months, but had never outright said anything. And she didn’t seem to mind the walk despite the wind biting at her cheeks. It nipped at your nose and ears, but was worth it given the setting. Nothing quite compared to an overcast city in winter. The way the sky lit up from all of the lights reflecting off the clouds was welcoming. Inviting you to a wonderland at the end of the rainbow which you never really found, but never stopped searching for. Standing snow had been removed from the streets earlier that day and all that was left to tell you winter was even here were the patches of black ice on the sidewalk (Dangerous for the poor Floridians who made it a point to visit the city to ring in 1996) and that sudden gust of wind which reminded the pair that their home, a mere day’s drive away in Buffalo, was currently being hammered by a blizzard. But that was an issue for the future. A bridge they would cross once they finally made their way north sometime the next afternoon. Now? Now was about making it to Central Park by midnight.

Which they did. And Dan couldn’t have asked for a better scene. The snow, almost a foot deep, blanketed the park and remained undisturbed by children and wandering partiers. The brick laid sidewalks were clear of ice. Dimly lit trees, thanks to the buildings across the street, guided them through the heart of the park to Bethesda Terrace, Jaime’s favorite spot in the city. A fountain in the center, adorned with a guardian angel and four cherubims, was the place where multiple firsts happened. A first glance. A first date. First kiss. First three words. Hopefully, a yes.

She stared into the distance, her blue eyes searching for the tell tale sign that ‘95 was over. She didn’t notice him get on one knee. She didn’t see him reach for his back pocket. She barely heard him clear his throat to speak and, when she turned to see what he was getting ready to say, blurted a harsh, incredulous, “No.”

To say he was shocked was an understatement. To say she was shocked was, well… she didn’t quite know. Every girl dreams about this moment. A snowy evening. A romantic spot. A remarkable guy who, up til now, seemed like the one. But in this instant, Jaime just couldn’t say anything else. ‘No,’ was the only word that came to mind. ‘No. No. No. No. No. No.’

‘No?’

The walk back to the hotel was silent. So was the good night, or lack thereof. Dan took a pillow and the mattress topper to the couch and spent the night lost in thought. Jaime curled up in a ball under the covers, wishing for a do over. She just couldn’t figure out what made her say that! Was it the setting? Was it the dinner? Maybe it just didn’t feel right. Maybe she needed more time. Yeah! That was it. It had to be. Right?

7 A.M. Where did the night go? The couple both questioned the passage of time and just laid in their respective beds. Finally, after a few minutes of waiting for her to make the first move, Dan finally sat up. The mattress topper was on the floor, probably lost thanks to a sleepless night. The sun fought to enter the room, but was subdued by drapes covering the lone window. The heater kicked on and warm air slowly flowed into the room. Its whirring would remain the only sound for the better part of an hour as the pair went about packing for their trip back to Buffalo.

The first voice either heard that morning came from a fellow passenger aboard the elevator.

“Lovely weather today, huh? Kinda surprised it’s January 1st given the temperature.”

“Yeah.” Dan replied. He couldn’t manage anything beyond that. ‘Who cares about the weather?’ he wondered. ‘There’s so much more we could be thinking about but of course let’s talk about how cold it isn’t.’

The chiming interrupted his thoughts. Main lobby. Time to get out of here and spend seven hours in absolute silence.

As they walked together towards the checkout counter, Jaime stopped. The suitcase trailing behind her gave the impression of a child flying on their own, unsure of where to go. Unsure of who to talk to. And that’s how she felt. Who would she talk to? Where would she go once they got back? The studio apartment, their shared home for the better part of four years, was in his name. She had no claim to the couch or bed or even the key to the place. Dan had signed the lease on his own, paid every bill on his own since they moved in, and was doing just fine. With or without her, he would go on living his life just as if she hadn’t been there in the first place.

Her friends weren’t in Buffalo. Neither was her family. After her father retired, her parents moved out of NYC to a nowhere farming community on the Pennsylvania border called Kiantone. It was nice having them so close only a two hour drive away the past two years, but now she wished they still lived in the Upper West Side.

Dan noticed she had stopped. He turned to see two blurry eyes staring back. This was it. In that instant, they both knew there was no going back. To anything. Buffalo. Home. Normal. One word had changed everything they’d built together for the past five years and there was nothing either one could do to take back what was said. Or what wasn’t.

She spoke first.

“Dan. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t go back with you. I-”

“You’re fine,” he interrupted. “You don’t have to explain anything. Jill lives nearby, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll drop you off.”

After checking out, they made their way to the parking garage. Jaime held her bags in the passenger seat, ready to hop out as quickly as possible once they were at Jill’s building. It almost would have been quicker to walk the three blocks, but it would have been rude to refuse a ride to the apartment. ‘Well why did you refuse last night?’ she thought. Something she didn’t have an answer for at the moment.

When they hit the 100 block of 55th, Jaime jumped out. Dan was surprised but didn’t say a word. When she reached back in for her purse, he feigned a smile for her sake. She tried to return the favor, but could only manage a small grin. He didn’t buy it and she didn’t intend to sell it, turning away before closing the door and disappearing up the street.