If you have an autistic sibling, or any autistic family member for that matter, I highly recommend you read "Things I Should Have Known" by Claire LaZebnik.
As a disclaimer: "Things I Should Have Known" is not one of my favorite books of 2017. At times, it was quite boring and took me a while to read, despite being an easy young adult contemporary novel. But I’m recommending it not for the plot or the romance or the writing style. I’m recommending "Things I Should Have Known" for the autism representation.
My younger brother is autistic. So is Ivy, the older sister of Chloe, the main character in "Things I Should Have Known." In the beginning of the book, Chloe realizes Ivy is more interested in romance than she initially thought and sets out to set Ivy up with Ethan, a boy with autism in Ivy’s class.
Throughout the book, Chloe reflects on how her friends, who are generally good people, don’t really understand how, despite being the younger sister, she has to take care of Ivy. She has several interactions with supposed well-meaning strangers who are actually coming off as rude and others who treat Ivy and Ethan like pariahs or even threats.
Most people tend to coo at my brother because he fits society’s conventions of “cute,” however he was prone to throwing tantrums in public when he was younger. The smallest thing could set him off, much like Ivy and Ethan. So, I identified with Chloe, as well as David, who is Ethan’s older brother, during these instances.
The social aspect of working with those on the spectrum is the main issue of the story. Ivy is painfully shy and anxious, while Ethan is extremely friendly but talks too loud. They are blunt without meaning to be. They are just saying what is on their mind, though not with malicious intent. Chloe’s biggest struggle, like me with my brother, is getting them to be more social and talk to people. That was what I identified with the most in "Things I Should Have Known".
Chloe and David also struggle with letting their siblings make their own choices. I go back and forth on this with my brother, too, but I have been learning to step back. I can take care of Aaron now and after our parents are gone. I will always be there for him. Only, if I make him completely dependent on me, I will ultimately be screwing him over. What if I go first? Where does that leave him?
And every day, I feel guilty. By no means is my life exciting. But what I have done is better than my brother being stuck at home with my sick mother, without any mental stimulation and human interaction all day while Dad and I work. He deserves to have a life of his own.
The fascinating, and sometimes frustrating thing about autism, is that it is called “on the spectrum” for a reason. There are those who are super smart and fully functioning geniuses but have little to no social skills, much like Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory." Then, you get the kids who need constant care and supervision and some who can’t even talk, other than flap their hands. And there are the kids like my brother, Ivy, and Ethan, the ones who are in the middle of the road that their loved ones have no idea which side they should be on. But need to let them figure that out.
