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Bonding Over Bad Movies

I’m talking those movies that Netflix gave one star just to be nice.

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Bonding Over Bad Movies
Cult Fiction

The act of watching movies seems to be one of the most popular pastimes when it comes to spending time with people we love or semi-care about. Some people get together to watch some classic movies like "Titanic" or "The Notebook." However, I much prefer to sit down with my best friends, grab some drinks and snacks, and prepare to watch absolute crap on the screen. I’m talking those movies that Netflix gave one star just to be nice. You know, those movies with zero actors that you’ve ever heard of (nor will you ever hear of again), a lighting budget that consists of the sun and a few work lights, a director who is also the lead actor and writer, a set that is basically entirely outdoors, and a handful of characters who aren’t humans. So let’s dive into three of the best movies to watch with your friends, and why they’ll bring you guys closer than ever.

1. "Rubber"

I’ve purposely watched this act of cinematic beauty twice now, and that’s a huge compliment for a bad movie. "Rubber" is a movie about a tire named Robert (yes, they named him) who goes around killing people. This isn’t an animated movie. The tire doesn’t have arms, legs, a mouth, eyes, or anything, really. It’s just a tire with feelings (which would be a great name for someone’s biography). The first time I watched this movie was to ring in the new year with three of my favorite people, one of which fell asleep not even halfway through. The second time started with nine people, and by the end there were three of us left, and one of them I’m pretty sure was only still there because he didn’t drive himself. It was one of those movies that we said “Hey, let’s watch 'Rubber!'” as a joke and then someone took it too far and said, “Actually, let’s do it.” The movie starts off absolutely spectacularly, with a car just bopping its way through some breakaway chairs. Within three minutes of pressing play, we were all fully invested in the mess that was on the screen. At least "Rubber" is self-aware. It never tries to be a good movie. In fact, it often calls itself out for being a mess. I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t nearly falling asleep on someone’s shoulder the entire second showing, but I can say that I survived watching it twice, so you and your friends can survive watching it once. Friends that watch all of "Rubber" together stay together. Put that on a shirt.

2. "Contracted"

Another New Year’s Eve discovery for my friends and me, "Contracted" is actually the worst thing to happen to Hollywood. Let’s just start off by saying that we did not make it through the movie. Within 45 minutes I was in my bathroom puking, my two male masculine heroic friends were cowering in fear and screaming out of pure disgust (the director actually liked my Instagram video of this happening), and I think the other friend just kind of blacked out. "Contracted" is a zombie-STD movie, but it doesn’t tell you that until you have to turn it off and Google the ending. Why was I puking? Why were the guys breaking all stereotypical barriers and screaming like small children? Well, you see, blood was coming out of every orifice in the main character’s body. Not just blood either, blood and maggots. I can handle movie blood, but when it’s coming out of all of the wrong holes, it’s on the next level of wrong. Also, the whole plot of the movie is that a girl gets raped, and her rapist gives her the zombie virus. So we start off on a horrible note. However, at the end of the experience, we were all closer. We had all just been traumatized, but we had done it together. We left the gathering as a stronger unit. If anyone out there wants to watch a movie with someone that is going to make them bury their face into your chest so they don’t have to watch the horror on the screen, here it is. They apparently even made a sequel to this mess, which didn’t need to happen. I was told by someone who watched both the first and second one that the second one makes the first one look like "Tom & Jerry," so I cannot even begin to imagine what that’s like. I couldn’t even write this without gagging profusely.

3. "Thankskilling"

Nothing says quality content quite like a turkey puppet killing everyone with a handful of bad jokes. The film had little-to-no budget and was made to be bad, but there were aspects of it that just made it intolerably bad. The graphics are horrible, the acting is horrible, the turkey’s dialogue is horrible ... it’s just horrible. Literally the first shot in the film is a porn star in a pilgrim costume running around with her boobs out, and it’s probably the best part of the movie. They made a sequel ("Thankskilling 3: The Search for Thankskilling 2") and I forced myself to watch it. It was actually twice as bad as the first one. Half of the characters that are meant to be human are played by puppets. That’s what the budget was for this. Watching this with your friends is guaranteed to bring you all closer because friends who judge together stay together.

Bad movies are just as good as good movies to watch on a quiet night in with friends. You can critique them or make fun drinking games out of them. The choice is really yours. So sit down and dive into the depths of Netflix. Who knows what you might find.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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