When I read the shocking case about Brock Turner, the Stanford swimmer who was convicted of rape but was sentenced to 6 months in jail (update: Brock will be released 3 months early) I felt a surge of emotions. The feeling I felt the most though, was rage. I felt enraged and angered because Brock Turner’s conviction only perpetuates the ideal of “a woman should be chaste and pure…but if she’s not and gets raped, it’s totally her fault”. Not only did this case perpetuate this ugly mentality, but it also brought up male privilege and White privilege as well.
Growing up, my parents always taught me to dress nice, to be modest and to have respect for myself and for my body. In church, I was taught to “cover up” and to “save myself for my husband” because “no man wants a woman who’s been around the block”. Being young, I believed these teachings because these people were my leaders, my parents and they were always right, weren’t they?
No.
Because if they were right, we wouldn’t live in a world where it doesn’t matter how covered up you are you can easily become a victim of sexual assault. If my parents and religious leaders were right, we wouldn’t live in a society where you, me, or any other woman could become Brock Turner’s next rape victim. If their teachings were right then someone’s father wouldn’t have the audacity to say that their son shouldn’t be punished for “20 minutes of action”. If my parents were right a judge wouldn’t feel like a harsh prison sentence on a convicted rapist “would have a severe impact on him”.
So instead of holding men accountable for their deviant sexual behavior, we teach women to dress modestly, to remain virgins until marriage, and to “have some respect for themselves” so that men won’t rape them.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is utter and complete bull.
Teaching women to cover up isn’t the answer; the answer is to teach men that “no means no”, Every. Single, Time. It doesn’t matter if she kisses you first, if she’s drunk, if she’s high, when she says ‘no’, you stop. Teaching women to dress modestly won’t stop the catcalls or the salacious comments they receive whenever they’re walking down the street. I say this from personal experience; I have been fully clothed and had men say derogatory comments about my boobs and my butt. To make things worse, if I don’t respond accordingly (aka, I don’t appear to be flattered) I’m automatically being stuck up or worse.
Teaching women to not have multiple sexual partners isn’t the answer, because if this were true then why are men rewarded for having several “notches on their belt”? If girls have to remain virgins until marriage, why can’t boys? Sexually transmitted diseases are just as real for women as they are for men. As a woman, I don’t want to date or marry a man who’s “been around the block”. Nope, you won’t give me HIV or AIDS! Why is a woman dirty or a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’ but a man does the exact same thing and he gets a pat on the back and ‘boys will be boys’? See the double standard and the stupidity in this statement?
Perhaps the most infuriating thing about the issue are the double standards practiced by the church. Back in the day when my parents were coming up, if a young woman got pregnant she had to stand in front of the church and apologize; the father of the child was usually never present. But again, teaching women to remain chaste virgins until marriage while boys get to ‘sow their wild oats’ before settling down is the solution, right?
Wrong!
What this disgusting culture has done is create a society of misogynistic women who feel the need to tear other women down. Not only that, but society has somehow made women believe that we must look a certain kind of way in order for a man to give us attention. The latter statement is ironic, considering that we’re also taught to cover ourselves and remain virgins until marriage. As a result of these teachings, many women go out and get lip injections, butt injections and breast implants. We now live in a society where women are too afraid to embrace who they are. As a result, women shame other women while the men we are all supposed to be impressing, get enjoyment out of it. This horrible and vicious cycle leads to low self-esteem, body complexes, and severe eating disorders.
The barbaric and repulsive of teaching women to cover up and remain virgins while remaining a size 0 or a 6 has severely damaged the female mindset. It’s creating a generation of miniature Kim Kardashians instead of powerful, women with an uplifting message. We’re teaching women how to use their assets, either natural or enhanced, to attract a man…but the second we do this and get raped, it’s somehow our fault. These mixed signals are frustrating, infuriating and extremely harmful.
Brock Turner is a convicted rapist and should have been forced to serve the maximum prison sentence. He did not have the right to sexually assault his 23-year-old victim and his White male privilege should not have gotten him a slap on the wrist. What kind of message does this send to the hundreds of other young women who have or will be sexually assaulted? The message it sends is simple: your attack is somehow your fault and your perpetrator will most likely receive a light sentence.
