Dear Body,

How do I love you?

I wish I loved you more.

You're a part of me I can't ignore. I try to ignore you, but you always tell me to look.

I can't accept you. What happened to who you were years ago?

I hate seeing memories on Facebook of us in high school because I feel ashamed. I want to feel cute in dresses again. I want to stop worrying about hiding you. I want to worry more about how I feel rather than how I look.

I wish I loved you more, but we don't understand each other. I don't know what you want.

After three cups of coffee, I don't notice you screaming for water until I almost pass out. I can't tell when you want nourishment. Maybe I just don't want you to change anymore.

I'm really trying, but I can't seem to keep up. You keep changing and changing, and I feel like I don't want it.

I don't respect you and I'm sorry. You've changed, and I can't accept it. Perhaps I'm the one who has changed. I'm the one who put on the pounds. Maybe this is all my fault. Maybe I caused you to change. Did I do something wrong? I feel like this is all my fault. My doctors tell me not to worry, but I can't help but look at every flaw.

It might seem that I don't care and that I hate you, but I really do try to love you. I try not to blame myself for how you've changed because, well, changing bodies are a fact of life.

Maybe one day we'll have a healthy relationship again. Until then, please be patient with me. I am trying to love you more.