Not so long ago I came to the realization that I have been battling with a mental disease called Body Dysmorphia. It is common that everything I eat will make me guilty, wearing tight clothes would make me feel uncomfortable and not confident, and looking myself in the mirror would make me feel miserable. This disease has been always with me, however now it has been triggered by my weight gain and the comments coming from everyone around me.
Some of the symptoms from body dysmorphia are: the distortion of your own body image, the constant habit of looking at yourself in the mirror to constantly target your flaws, comparing yourself to other people who are skinnier than you while feeling inferior for it, and the avoidance of pictures or videos because of your lack of confidence. Since I came to the United Stated I have been listening for years to the comments of my family about my weight, and I don’t remember how long has it been since I had one that made me feel worth it and beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an article where I bash my family for their ideologies when it comes to body image, it is more about an empowering article for all the people suffering from a constant reminder that your worth is attached to your weight, which is not true.
Yesterday I was told by someone I deeply care about that I am beautiful… but of course, I have to lose weight if I wanted to look better. This comment triggered an anxiety attack and I started looking for nutritionists, called all of the numbers that I could find (which were 11 specifically) proceeded to chug two whole bottles of water, drank a laxative, looked for a scale and then started crying, in less than an hour (a personal record!).
Mental diseases never interested me enough before I turned 18, that’s because in my early teenage years I was underweight and always praised for it. being 125 and 5’7 was not only unhealthy for my body but it also damaged my views and my families views of what women’s body is supposed to look. Today I am constantly reminded that I can’t be beautiful unless I am skinny.
The battle against unrealistic expectations concerning my body are constantly harming me instead of making me feel enthusiastic about losing weight. The decision of losing weight or not should come from me wanting to feel more comfortable or to be healthier, not because I want to finally shut the voices that are telling me I never look good enough.
I’m not pitying myself, I’m giving everyone the opportunity to have a look inside the brain of someone who is going through a mental disease. It is very important for us to understand and remember that it is extremely rude to make regards about other people’s appearance. Of course, compliments are well accepted and if there is something about my outfit or hair that looks wrong, I will be grateful to know, however, I do not want to know if you think my dress will look better on me if I lost ten pounds.
The normalization of mental diseases has gotten more common through time, It is a very normal to feel worthless or worthy depending on your body weight and your image nowadays, and this is a wake-up call. I do understand it is totally normal for everyone to feel a little bit uncomfortable with their body, however, it is not normal for this feeling to get in the middle of your confidence, to the point that you forget about your good attributes and features.
So, this summer season let’s all be accepting of other people’s bodies. Let’s remember it takes a lot of confidence to put on a bathing suit and we should praise that, let’s not add up to the anxiety of the few that do not feel comfortable, but let’s advocate body positivity. By now we should understand there is not one specific body weight or image that fits the box, the box is multidimensional and colorful, and it has space for everyone.
