A week ago I had to have a meeting with the RA (resident assistant) that is in charge of my section of the college dorm that I live in. He was supposed to meet with each one of his residents and discuss what they think defines someone's identity, and how they see their own. In my conversation with him we started talking about how other people's perceptions of us impact our identities. During this I brought up how I found it interesting that whenever I look at myself, I think of myself as being shy and quiet, whereas I've been told by other people that they see me as reserved, but confident; I've been told that I have a strong presence when I'm in a room. When I mentioned this to him he told me how when he first met me in August he would've felt that shy and timid were the right words to describe me, but now that's not the girl that I am anymore.
Today, on the day that I'm writing this, I ran into my orientation leader from this past summer. While we were talking I told her about everything that's been going on since we'd spoken last. I told her about how I'm presenting at two research conferences, I have a STEM Academy peer mentor position, I'm going to South Africa for research for a month, and that I'll have four publications through the undergraduate research program that I'm part of. I told her how I've applied for a learning assistant position in the biology department, and that I'm looking into working even further in undergraduate research. She told me how proud of me she is, and that I'm nothing like the girl she met over the summer during orientation that was too scared to come to school in the fall.
Sometimes when I look at myself it's so hard to see how far I've come. When I look at myself in the mirror I still see a girl that's too shy and anxious to say hello to anyone, and someone who lets their problems rule over them and their life. I see who I used to be, not the person I'm becoming. When everything is happening so gradually over a day-to-day basis, it's hard to notice the strides that I'm making, especially from an inside perspective. I don't see myself through the eyes of those who only see me every now and again and inevitably pick up on my change.
I find it bizarre, to say the least, that I've apparently changed so much just since August. It's only been about a half of a month, and I'm becoming someone so much stronger than I ever thought I could become. I'm blossoming. I'm getting involved, and putting myself out there. I'm gaining so much experience, and I'm taking control of my life. I'm someone that I never saw myself being able to become.
I came to college terrified that my mental health would cause me to sink, but in the short months since being here I've not only learned to swim, I've learned to fly.
