Everyone is afraid of something. Whether that fear comes from spiders, clowns, or even the dark, we all have natural fight-or-flight instincts that help us to evade "unsafe" situations. Of course, some of our fears are more consuming than others, and mine just happens to be an extreme, rampant dread of blood work.
Now, I know how most people are inclined to respond: Oh, but it doesn't hurt. All you feel is a little pinch! And yes, I know that needles don't hurt - that has never been the problem for me! My fear comes from gruesome mental images of the actual act of blood work, as well as the memory of several bad experiences. In essence, it doesn't matter how painless the operation may be. The trouble is, quite literally, all in my head.
That being said, the next response that I often receive includes advice about self-distraction: Just look away. Or listen to music - that's what I do! is what I'm told time and time again. But what people don't understand, is that my fear is no longer a fleeting discomfort; it's not a matter of simply distracting myself from passive, uneasy thoughts. It has gotten to the point that my anxiety takes complete control of my mind and body, and I have no say in the matter.
In a word, the issue has becomeengrossing. If a doctor merely mentions the possibility of a work-up, I loose control of my senses and I immediately start to faint. Even just the thought makes me break out in a cold, nauseous sweat; I can't begin to imagine how I would react in the midst of the real event. So while I'm aware that I need blood tests in order to stay healthy, and while I wish I could get over my irrational fear, my reflexes simply wont let me. How could I casually let someone stick a needle in my arm ever again?
Unfortunately, I know this roadblock will bring with it several difficult conflicts in my lifetime. Aside from the need to monitor my ongoing health issues, I also dream of being a mother - something that inherently comes with a lot of blood work.
Before that time comes, I hope and pray that technology takes us past the point of needing to siphon blood out of our veins for information. But if not, I'll simply have to find a way to calm my raging anxiety. My desire to start my own family one day will have to overshadow my inner demons, even if that means I have to face my most horrifying fear.
