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Blackouts.

Admitting and accepting your problems are the first steps to recovery.

Mya Moyer
Jan 16, 2017
Bethany College
20
Blackouts.
Nsight Psychology and Addiction

Maybe I was trying to end it all

A razor blade in my hand, dull

As the liquid stealing my thoughts

Making me numb, numb —

Until there was nothing to recall

No memories in the morning of the night

Which just passed

Awakening with the same sickness

Which started all this

Always chasing everything…

Chasing my problems with liquor

Chasing my liquor with a cigarette

For me, there was no looking back

After I set that bottle down

There was almost always nothing left

Inside of it or in myself

I drained the last drop before I’d blackout

It’s those lapses in memory —

The darkness where no new perceptions were made —

My mind would stop working

Until night faded into day

Countless hours lost so many times

That I —

Can’t even tell you how many mid-mornings I went to bed

Drunk.

You can call me a quitter,

But you can no longer call me

A lush,

A rummy,

A drunkard, or a sot

Because I put that bottle down

To never be picked back up.

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