Self-love is not easy, especially when you’ve fallen deep into the black waters.

If you’ve never fallen, you may not understand and I hope you never do. I hope you never know what it’s like to lay in bed for hours and feel as though everything inside of you is forcing you to stay there: to feel trapped within the four walls of your bedroom.

When I fell into the darkness, it consumed me. The last thing I wanted to hear was someone say, "just get up and go have fun," as if it was that easy. They didn’t understand. In my eyes, no one could understand.

All I wanted was to be myself again. I didn’t want to stay in bed all day. I didn't want to hate the girl that I saw in the mirror. I could barely recognize myself anymore. Staring back at me was the saddest soul. She was drowning, suffocating, and screaming from the inside-out. The girl I once knew was lost. Not only did she drown but she became the black waves, the storms, and the crippling whispers attracting everything but light.

The truth is that I wasn’t ready to walk away from the darkness. Let me be honest, it’s not something that goes away in a second. It’s not something that someone else can fix for you. Yes, I understand that help was there whenever I needed it, but I was not ready for it and that’s the simple fact. The only person who could save me from drowning was myself. Luckily, I caught my bit of fresh air and I made my way back to shore, and so will you. Yes, you.

This is for those who are still drowning, for those who are trying to escape, and for those like me who have made it to shore. Trust me when I say you’ll get there. Believe it. I’m not saying that I’ve fully escaped the black waters. But I now know how to catch myself before I fall. In the case that I do fall I know how to get back up. I thank the people who loved me enough to stand by my side through it all.

I’m not sure I care to know what it’d be like if I never fell into the black waters. I’m sure I’d have found happiness a lot quicker, but I wouldn’t have a story to tell. I wouldn't be able to write this in hopes of saving you.

If you can’t think of anyone who loves you, know that I do. I will be that long hug you need, I’ll be the ear listening to it all. We’ll get through it together. I promise.

Love you now, love you always,

RaeSmiles

-Good vibes & happy lives