Society says African Americans have nappy hair, big noses, lips, rumps, can sing, dance, and rap, and their black mothers and grandmothers can cook, especially fried chicken. It also said and known that our black boys and men are talented in sports, and believe it or not other races use black men's talents against the black community to separate our black men from our black community, but let me get back to that later. Black women are not as glorified as much as black men, not saying that black men get praise and worship, but black men are needed more to "uplift" the white community. On the other hand, society does not want much from black women. As we all know, black women are portrayed as bitter, angry, too controlling, uneducated, and “less” beautiful. This is a painted picture; these are the things that society imagines when they hear or see black people. This painted picture's main element is stereotypes. Every black person is not the same physically or mentally, which is true for any race, but for some reason society does not give the black race room to breathe because everyone holds blacks to a societal, stereotypical standard. When I look at these stereotypes it saddens me because they are the main reasons for two current and excelling problems: The distance of black men from their own culture/race and black women being the least desirable and unmarried group of women in America compared to every other race women.

The media has a strong effect on how other races view blacks and how blacks view themselves. Listen to the music and videos created, highlighting white and foreign women as attractive or more cooperative. Not only the music but look at the role models for young, black boys. The media and the role models, themselves, highlight being with women of other races as being the “it” thing now, and the successful black on black relationships are never highlighted. Mainly because there are very few that are actually in the spotlight. Another subject I have observed is that most educated and talented black men have a strong, protective, and loving nature but statistically speaking they look for women of other races. A question I have continuously asked myself is why are educated, nurturing, strong, protective women not good enough for a black man that possesses the same qualities? Is it because the way the media portrays black women? That is partially true, but it cannot be the only reason. I mean our black men must know that every black women or generally speaking, every woman is not the same. So it makes me think...it must be our looks? But then I realized that black people have so many different shades of skin tones, so many different shapes and sizes, and even different textures and lengths of hair, and I know it cannot be our choice of clothing because everyone has their own sense of style as well.

After evaluating what I thought may have been wrong with black women, I realized that there was no answer to my question. Simply because there is nothing wrong with black women! No one person is the same in any race. There is no reason for any black man or any other race man to say that he does not date or will never marry a women that is the same race he is and the same goes for women. This a phenomenon because there are more black men that disown their black women more than any other race men. Generally speaking, black women value black men but black men do not value black women as much as they would a White, Asian, Hispanic, or Native American woman. When I realized it is not the women with the problem, it became clear to me that it is the men. Agree or disagree but the truth is, it is about self-hate and the feeling of acceptance. I do not mean black men hate being black but it can be many reasons that causes self-hate. Black men go through so much growing up, just as black women do, but they must one day become the head, the provider, the one that "handles the business." I believe having so much weight put on them as black boys and having the fear of unacceptance, they would not want their future life to carry any of that weight. For example, having interracial babies could heighten his children's chances of being accepted into this corrupt society that he was not accepted into.

Feeling accepted is desired by everyone, which brings me back to the subject of talented black men. Some black men feel accepted by other races through their talents. I mean look around you. Almost every extremely successful, talented black man goes to a Division 1 or predominately white institution, and it is not because his grades are "superb,” it is because "they" want him to help win championships and everything that is anything because it could potentially help "them" gain more money. So many black men have talent, and talent brings money, and let me just be frank, money brings rich white men to pat unaccepted, talented black men on the back, and psychologically, that feels wonderful! Once a black man thinks he is accepted into the White or American society, he feels that he can have anything and anyone he wants. Something, that at a young age, society has taught him, is unable to happen. This is when and why our successful black men become distant from our culture and community. I guess some of us could argue and say, “Black men give back to their community.” Okay, sure, many of them give back to their communities but not intellectually, mainly financially, and that is a problem. When are we, as a black community, going to realize, money and materials is not everything. But knowledge and hard work can get us anything we want, and take us any place we please

Now, let us stop and make this clear. When I speak of black men, I do not mean every black man. I believe there are plenty of educated, talented, and successful black men that value black women, and their community, and their culture, and even though there are still some black men of that nature left, people fail to see the decline in these black men, in the black community, and ultimately in the lives of black women. If a person searches the statics of black men and interracial dating and marriage, it is a low percentage as of now. The problem is not the current percentage, the problem is the vast inclination of the percentage in the next several years, compared to the vast decline in desirability of black women. This statistic hurts my heart because the fact is, black women are more open to dating outside of their race compared to every other race woman, but they are the less desired group of women. Although black women are more open to dating other races, they still choose to value and desire a group of men who does not value and see their worth and beauty; black men. Acceptance is important, and as a culture of black women, not being accepted by other races, including their own, is degrading and discouraging, and black women are not wanted because of what? Stereotypes and things that they cannot control.

I do not have anything against interracial relationships, I believe it is a great thing that is happening. What I do have a problem with, is the illegitimate and opinionated reasons people have for not dating their own race. It is one thing to find a soulmate and he or she just so happens to be of a difference race but it is another thing when a person deliberately declines a whole race of women or men because of one too many bad encounters, which partially could have been based on that individuals own faults. Most of this essay is my opinion and how and why things are happening psychologically, but everything I have said has been based on facts and many personal experiences. An experience that I actually encountered the day I began writing this essay.

A young black guy approached me and asked me what I was doing and I told him I was typing an essay. He then asked me what my essay was about and I began to tell him. His response to me was, “I date black women but I can understand why other black men wouldn’t and if I came across the chance, I would date another race woman too.” His response to me was not surprising because growing up in mobile, Alabama I have encountered many black men who see all black women as the same because of their “bad experiences” with one, two, or even three or more black women. The young man continued telling me that it is black women have bad attitudes, and black women don’t do anything for their men without complaining, and how black women are always putting black men down. He also described black women as having trust issues. As I was listening to him I was hurt, because I was listening to him stereotype and generalize his own women, because every black woman does not have a bad attitude or trust issues, and personally, I love to pamper my boyfriend and I support him in all of his endeavors. I stated to the young man that I believe many of the things anybody sees in a person, is because it is within him or herself. In any relationship, a person usually attracts to people that are similar to them in many ways, intellectually. Which is why a person must learn and repair themselves before they can look for a soulmate or genuine friends. I told the guy that if he constantly encounters the same type of women, maybe the problem is him and not the women. Needless to say, that was the end of that conversation.

Experiencing a different race is not going to change what type of woman a man attracts, but by the woman being of a different race, that makes the man psychologically feel that he has a different type of woman and he becomes more willing to work with her flaws - opposed to the black woman - think about it. We are all people with our own personalities but society uses culture to create stereotypes, which ultimately creates supremacy of whites, subordination of other races, and most importantly for blacks to defile and separate of the black culture. We all want to be accepted. Accepted as individuals and as cultures, but blacks must accept, value, support, and assist each other before any other race can genuinely do the same.