I'm black-ish.

That's the problem.

I have always been stuck in the middle ground of society. Not quite black enough for the black people and not quite white enough for the white people.

I've experienced having my skin and hair touched by people I did not know. This was done in a way that suggested either hate or pure surprise, like people could not believe that a mixed girl could have certain qualities. I remember being in a local pharmacy and I was cashing out and the lady behind the register reached out and touched my hand saying, "Wow, you have such a nice skin complexion." I said thank you, not really sure how to take it. I remember straightening my hair (its naturally curly) and someone touching my hair and asking, "Is this real?" Yes, I have "nice" hair and YES its real! The assumption that my hair had to be fake because of how it came out suggests that people like me cannot have "nice" hair.

The list could go on and on about the many different times I've been in similar situations. Being told that I "cannot get ashy because I'm light-skin" and being told that I did not need to "tan at the beach because I'm already tan." There is this crazy idea in the world that seems to say that light-skin people are not from this planet. Stigmas about light-skinned people have been made popular in society, almost a joke, in social media and in popular music.

Phrases like "light-skin devil" and "acting light-skin" has been turned into a commonality. Its insane, not only having to deal with the separation that being mixed causes, but having to deal with being a fetish, a plaything for others. Light-skins are fetishized by white people and criticized by black people. The problem with this is that people do not understand the pressures this causes. It opens so many doors to developing identity issues. Always wondering if the way my hair is worn or my emotional state will stir up an unwanted conversation or comment.

It seems that being mixed is my fault. That the color of my skin is a problem in society.

I'm black-ish.

That's the problem.