Half African American. Half Caucasian. That’s not something you hear every day, let alone see in a person. That is part of my identity and it is not until now that I am getting a glimpse of what that means for me personally. With all of the racial issues and tensions I see on the news 24/7, I have to ask myself “How do I feel about it?” Even further than that “Why does race matter so much?” The latter question may seem ridiculous to many, but it has been a legitimate question for myself for the past few years. I am bi-racial. And here is my honest perspective from my experience in being a bi-racial young woman.
1) “You’re not black enough.”
First of all, what does this even mean? What does it mean to be black? And why is it seemingly inadequate that I am half of it? It has been implied in conversations with friends, specifically regarding how a relationship would look like for me if I so chose to date a black man. “Oh, well they are just too black for you, and you are just so innocent” one friend would say. What does the color of someone’s skin determine about the content of their character? One would hope that after the Civil Rights Movement, racial tensions and assumptions would be over, but they don’t quite seem to be. My “lack of blackness” or my “whiteness” has been passively brought up by friends and even strangers. This is frankly ridiculous. I am not one or the other, I am both, and I am learning to embrace this. I have not only seen this struggle of identity myself, but with others coming from a variety of mixed races.
2) “What are you?”
I didn’t realize how different I looked until going to San Francisco, California for my senior class mission trip. A few men would walk up to me and simply ask “What are you?” There was no “Hello!” or “How are you?” It immediately jumped to race, and for some reason that was the most important thing for a stranger to know about me in our first encounter. This question has become more familiar to me as I have gotten older. A lot of the time I can’t help but laugh sometimes because people act as if I am some scientific creature needing to be classified. Once I explained to them what I am, I’m always tempted to add on “Yes, bi-racial and mixed people exist and I am one of them! I am not an alien!” I am a person from a diverse background.
These are just a few of the questions, not to mention the confused stares, I have encountered and become accustomed to. Finally, I am starting to think about what being bi-racial means for my life. Not to just take one half of me, but both in their uniqueness. I do not whatsoever have it all figured out, but I am working towards it one day at a time.
