My decision to come to the USA was made over a year's worth of investigating and preparing. I read many articles about life in New York, and about what to expect when you attend a small liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere. With the amount of research I had done, I should have been equipped to deal with anything thrown my way.

I was completely blindsided. Going into my freshman year, I was unaware that there were only three Indians on campus, and I was one of them. It was certainly an interesting experience. *cough*

I have gathered for you some of the most peculiar questions that I have been asked over the last year. I share a love/hate relationship with these: they have either made me laugh out loud, furrow my brow, or roll my eyes dangerously far into the back of my head. Enjoy.

1. "You said your name is Amy? That can't be it. Come on, I won't laugh, what's your real name?"

Ananthalakshmi Balasubramaniam. Thank you for asking, I feel so free. Oh, careful there, don't want you tripping and falling into my pool of sarcasm.

2. "How is your English so good? I mean, it's REALLY good."

Thank you, that's so sweet of you. So is yours.

Well let's see, how did I go about this? Oh, that's right, I learned it in school - probably in the same way that you did.

3. "That's so cool that you know another language. Can you teach me some Indian?"

I would, but I'm afraid there is no such thing. India has 22 official languages, and 1652 mother tongues.

4. "India... Wow. Oh hang on, I had a friend once from India. Do you know 'Ashok'?"

Of course I know Ashok. The one Ashok. The only Ashok in all of India.

All humor aside: a stranger on an airplane asked me this, word-for-word, a couple of years ago. Never in my life have I face-palmed with such vigor.

5. "Hang on, where's your dot?" (in reference to bindis)

Dang it, it must have run away again. Thats the fourth time this morning. I need to get a leash on that thing.

6. "What do you think of chai-tea? I'll bet you love chai-tea."

Why yes, there's something about the repetition that just gets me.

7. "So, did you ride an elephant to school?"

...

8. "Did you have to walk 20 miles to the nearest well?"

Of course not. That's what the elephant was there for.

9. "Engineer or Doctor? Which did you pick?"

Neither, I'm actually a business major... Touché on this though, I wanted to be an art major.

10. "Did you know they say Indians smell like curry? I declare that stereotype wrong-- you smell nothing like curry."

And you smell nothing like cheeseburgers; the world is one big, happy place today.

11. "Speaking of curry: I bought a box of spices the other day. Maybe you could cook me some Indian food?"

You're hilarious. I think I'm starting to like you. Oh, and I can't cook to save my life. I could whip up a mean bowl of cereal though, how does that sound?