Sometimes, even when you know that something’s coming, it can still take you by surprise.
For example, here I am, about a week out from move-in day, shocked by just how fast this summer flew by. It’s like I blinked and just like that 3 months were gone. And I knew this was coming. I knew that after 3 months of being back home I would pack up my bags once again and return to Eau Claire. As much as I might want to deny it, I know that summer’s almost over. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
Sure, it’s going to be my second year and that comes with a sense of comfort. Once I get there, all the familiarity will come back. I know my way around and I’m not worried about how I’m going to make friends.
But that doesn’t make it any easier.
Leaving the place where I grew up and the people that I love more than anything in this world is something that I don’t think will ever get easier. And that’s okay. I’ve just never been good at goodbyes, and I really haven’t met anybody that particularly excels at that either. At times I just feel like a wimp because emotions run high and leaving makes me cry no matter how long I’m gone for.
I think that “it’s not a ‘goodbye’, it’s a ‘see you later’” is so cheesy but also so true. I have to remind myself of that so much because as long as I remember that the separation isn’t permanent, it makes it easier to cope with. Leaving such a big piece of my heart in Minnesota is a hard pill to swallow, but I know I’ll always return because this place is too special to me to let go of.
But at the same time a piece of my heart will always be in Eau Claire too. The friends that I’ve made and the experiences that I’ve had and all that is to come are things that I can’t let go of forget. I’ll return to Eau Claire time and time again because as much as I’ll always be a Minnesota girl, at this point in my life Wisconsin keeps calling to me. And I can’t ignore that or pretend that that pull isn’t there. I could try, but it’s pointless. I’m excited to see what new adventures are awaiting me there.
It’s equal parts bitter and sweet.
I know that I will never be the same now that I have my heart tugging me in different directions. I’m learning to accept that more and more every day.
But leaving still sucks.
I won’t sugarcoat it or dance around it. It’s not fun. Leaving any place where you feel welcomed and loved and accepted is bound to be hard. But growth and change are parts of life as much as that change might challenge you and stretch you farther than you want to be stretched. Don’t feel like you have to fight it.
You are only as flexible as you allow yourself to be.
