It is proven that the LGBTQA+ community is beyond immense. There is a supernatural size to our world and an abnormally large diversity within it. There are millions of members of the LGBT+ community including but not limited to: Blacks, whites, Latinos, Greeks, the disabled, children, adults, government officials, athletes, etc. We are more powerful than we can imagine, and although we are deemed as the minority, we are in fact the majority. Although many members of the LGBT+ community live their lives in secret, they are a part of us nonetheless. They are our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers that live their lives in fear of being outed. They are children and adults who are terrified of the judgement of their family. Although it is a tragedy for all members of our community to go through this, my own experience happens to be with my personal connection to the sexual spectrum.
My name is Nigel Enoch and I am going to debunk the myths of bisexuality that plague our society by providing truths.
1 + 2. Bisexuals are indecisive/confused/afraid to "come out" as gay.
Many people believe that being bisexual means that you have a 50/50 attachment to both men and women. They also believe that one's emotional attachments are parallel to their sexual/physical attachments. This is not the case. This theory also invalidates many bisexuals.
With the sexual spectrum being so infinite and so large, because of individual feelings, it is truly hard to define any sexual term, especially bisexuality. Many people do not understand that being bisexual does not mean that you are automatically attracted to both genders. There is a level of intensity that gauges any form of attraction to another person. There are men who consider themselves bisexual with a stronger sexual and emotional attraction to women but also accept the fact that they can have strong, romantic attractions to men. There are women who find strong sexual and emotional attachments to other women but still accept the fact that it is possible to find sexual and emotional attraction to a man. These are considered "hetero-flexible" and "homo-flexible" people because sexuality is fluid. Being hetero-flexible simply means that you have a predisposition to the opposite gender, however at times there is someone of the same gender that you can be attracted to. Homo-flexible is the exact concept, simply vice versa. Because sexuality is not set in stone, these instances are completely valid, and no one is able to label you. You are only allowed to label yourself.
However, at the end of the day, I understand that my physical attractions are not based on who the hottest boy in the batch is or who has the bustiest chest and most curvaceous body. My attractions are formed from emotional feelings. I personally fall for those people that make me laugh and cry. The person who can make me feel comfortable even in the most awkward of times and the person that is not afraid to ask the tough questions. The person who is not afraid to lay down the law. I fall for the intellectual stimulation and the ability to constantly learn from my partner. I don't find love to be a physical attraction because it's not. Falling in love with someone's mind is much more intimate than sex could ever be. Knowing what makes someone tick is more powerful than one could imagine.
2. Bisexuals are hyper-sexual/sluts/non-monogamous.
I am bisexual, which means that I'm going to go have sex with every man and woman I see along with cheating on every partner I have. Wrong.
Being bisexual does not give anyone some ulterior motive within a relationship. Being bisexual does not mean that an individual is constantly craving sex. Bisexuals are no more sexualized than the average heterosexual or homosexual. Heterosexuals cheat. Homosexuals cheat. People cheat. There is no logical instance in which any group of people can demonize another group of people as being greedy, sex-craving maniacs. Individual choices do not represent a whole. It is true that some bisexuals cheat. Some bisexuals are non-monogamous and dwell in polyamorous relationships and vice versa. It is almost utterly impossible to criticize bisexuals as hyper-sexualized people when our society glorifies shows like "Sister Wives," straight women married to one man.
Then again, how can I be so surprised and upset when a heterosexual white male can commit mass murder, terrorize a church or rape an unconscious woman and still be labeled as a decent human who made a mistake when one person of color acts out and the whole group is demonized. All blacks are criminals. Latinos are immigrants. Muslims are terrorists. In this case, Bisexuals are sluts. None of those are true, and they will never be true as long as there are those that actively expose the truth.
3. Bisexual women utilize their sexuality to "turn men on."
Oh, please. Women don't utilize their sexuality for the pleasures of men. No, just because a women is bisexual doesn't mean that they want a threesome. No, bisexuality is not some ploy to gain the attention of men. No, bisexual women are not trying to play hard to get. Men believe that they're entitled to all women, when in fact they are entitled to nothing. In a patriarchal society, women are constantly demeaned as if their bodies are toys to be played with. In the words of Beyonce, "Boy you know you love it how we're smart enough to make these millions, Strong enough to bear the children then get back to business." Although there are significant differences between men and women, women have proven to break these boundaries and surpass the aspects of men. They were not put on this earth for men. Women were put on this earth for themselves, not to serve anyone but their own desires.
5. Bisexuals have a crush on all of their friends.
Oh dear, when I came out, my parents assumed that I wanted to sleep with every single one of my friends. My guy friends began to ask me how attractive I thought they were, my girl friends automatically nominated me as the GBF aka the "Gay Best-Friend" (completely disregarding my sexuality) and the best questions I was asked was how I knew if I "actually" liked someone or not. Just like heterosexuals, we can have male friends and female friends. We are not some alien creatures on the prowl to devour humans.
6. Bisexual men are non-masculine.
Just like libido, masculinity is as individualistic as anything else. Masculinity is not some straight privilege. In fact, I know plenty of queer men who are much more masculine than their heterosexual counterparts. Although we live in a world where masculinity is raised to a super-human standard and men are expected to behave a certain way no matter the circumstances, I believe people have to understand the individuality of the human spirit. There are plenty of heterosexual men who are feminine in nature simply because of their personal preferences of concepts they like. Some men like manicures and don't like basketball, and that doesn't make them any less of a man. Some queer men work out every single day and have more muscle mass than the straightest man you know, while others wouldn't dare touch a weight. Everything should be looked at from an individual perspective. Masculinity does not define anything about a person. You can be straight and a man. You can be gay and a man. You can be female and masculine. You can be male and feminine. You can be a transgender male and still feminine and vice versa. The options are endless. The world is yours for the taking. Be who you are unapologetically because the only person living your life is you.
7. Bisexuals have "straight privilege."
Some members of the LGBT+ community believe that bisexuals have the ability to pass as straight depending on the relationship they are in. This begins to brood the belief that bisexuals are not actually part of the queer spectrum because they wouldn't be facing the same forms of discrimination as their homosexual counterparts. This is not true. Although a bisexual is in a relationship with the opposite sex, it does not negate them from empathy, internal feelings and discrimination from society. In fact, many bisexuals are degraded when their partners are told the individual's sexuality. In many cases bisexuals have been left because of the stigma others feel towards them.
8. Bisexuals can "choose."
Bisexuals can't "choose" any more than a gay man or woman can choose to be straight. Bisexuals are not able to simply deny a complete part of themselves. There is no "choosing" — there is only finding those that you are genuinely attracted to, just like any other person. Having the ability to "choose" implies that you are able to deny sexual attraction to one gender, which is not the case. This theory could then exaggerate to the theory that you can use therapy to "de-gay" an individual or teach them to suppress their queerness. This is never the case.
9. Non-practicing Bisexuals are not Bisexual.
Just because someone identifies as bisexual and is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean that they are now straight. Just because someone is in a relationship with someone of the same sex, it doesn't mean that they are now gay. We are able to identify as bisexual and still be in a relationship. Our external actions do not determine our internal truths. Bisexuals are still bisexual despite their current partner.
10. Bisexuality does not exist.
Oh, come on, this one doesn't have to be explained. You are your own person. You know what you feel. You label yourself or don't label yourself at all. You are valid. You are truth. You are on this earth because you can love without the hinderance of gender.
