The LGBT community is endlessly diverse, including a wide range of minority sexual orientations and gender identities. In fact, in order to be more inclusive, some people further expand the acronym — LGBTQIAP+, for example, representing lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual and others. Nevertheless, despite these attempts to be inclusive, many people think of only one community under the LGBT+ umbrella: the gay and lesbian community. After all, the fight for LGBT+ equality has largely consisted of obtaining equal marriage rights for same-gender couples. And who exemplifies this demographic better than the gay and lesbian population?

So why are the smaller communities under the LGBT+ umbrella forgotten, despite countless attempts by some to be more inclusive and the growing number of “social justice warriors?” One of the core problems is this: the individuals attempting to be inclusive by expanding the LGBT+ acronym are mostly people within that community, and the LGBT+ community is still a minority. The heterosexual majority, for the most part, has an “us” vs. “them” mentality; they see the LGBT+ community as one body, and all the factions which fall under the LGBT+ umbrella are forgotten or ignored. Gay and lesbian individuals are a majority within the LGBT+ conglomerate, so those on the outside — the heterosexual majority — see them as representative of the entire LGBT+ community even though it is substantially more diverse. Psychologically speaking, this is natural and nothing to fault heterosexual people for. This phenomena is termed the “out-group homogeneity effect” and involves members of an in-group (the heterosexual majority) viewing members of an out-group (the LGBT+ community) as homogeneous. In other words, straight people tend to perceive the LGBT+ community as lacking variability, thus viewing the majority within this out group — gay and lesbian individuals — as representative of the entire LGBT+ community.

Why is this a problem? After all, same-gender couples obtained the right to marry in the United States on June 26, 2015 following the decision in the Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges. So why does it matter if the individuals who make up these couples are bisexual, pansexual, demi-sexual, or people of any other minority sexual orientation? I would like to focus specifically on bisexual individuals, as this is the population I fit into, and thus have personal experience regarding the topic.

First and foremost, bisexual erasure, which occurs when heterosexual individuals apply the out-group homogeneity effect to the LGBT+ community, leads to a lack of inclusion. The heterosexual attraction bisexual individuals experience may lead them to feel uncomfortable in, or even to be excluded from, the LGBT+ community since the majority of this community consists of gay and lesbian individuals. Additionally, bisexual people do not fit in with the heterosexual community because of the same-gender attraction they experience. So where do they turn for belonging? This depends on what I can only describe as “the extent of one’s gayness.”

This phrase requires some explaining: it is common for bisexual individuals to lean more towards one gender than another. Some bisexual people primarily enter romantic relationships with same-gender individuals, while others engage romantically more frequently with opposite-gender individuals. This creates a divide within the bisexual community — those who are more frequently romantically involved with same-gender individuals may feel a greater sense of belonging in the LGBT+ community due to having more common experiences with the gay and lesbian population, while those who prefer opposite gender-relationships may feel more comfortable in the heterosexual community. This will likely lead the latter group to feel ostracized. These individuals are not heterosexual by definition, but they feel more comfortable in the heterosexual community because their lack of common experiences with gay/lesbian individuals leads them to feel less secure in the LGBT+ community. This feeling of insecurity may even lead this subset of bisexual individuals to feel unjustified in their sexual orientations.

As a bisexual individual who has only ever been in heterosexual relationships, I frequently feel as if I do not belong in the LGBT+ community. Not only do I not share experiences with the gay/lesbian majority of the community, but I have not endured the prejudice LGBT+ individuals often face on a daily basis because I am straight-passing. Since I've only dated individuals of the opposite gender, people automatically assume I am heterosexual. This assumption leaves me free from ridicule based on my sexual orientation. Because of this, I do not share the common thread assumed to be part of every LGBT+ individual's mental state: the anguish over being discriminated against. This lack of mental torment leads me to feel too privileged to belong in a community which has been constantly discriminated against. Moreover, coming out would leave me susceptible to prejudice. This may be cowardly, but why would I open up about my sexual orientation when the only result it would have is open the door for hate? Many LGBT+ individuals need to come out so they can openly form romantic relationships with those they are attracted to, which makes the vulnerability it produces worth it. But as someone who is currently in a happy heterosexual relationship, I do not need to come out in order to be satisfied with my life. Of course, I would like to be involved romantically with a female someday, but so far the opportunity has not arisen and I do not plan on leaving my current relationship to fulfill that desire.

Furthermore, it is substantially easier to let people assume I am straight than to correct their assumption. What kind of response would I get if I did correct someone? “How do you know? You’ve never dated a girl,” or worse, simply, “no you’re not." Responses such as these would create an awkward situation which would require a great deal of explaining to escape. Therefore, it is easier to evade such an incident by letting people remain oblivious.

Where does this leave individuals like myself? We feel unjustified in our sexual orientations due to a lack of same-gender relationships, guilt over having never experienced discrimination based on our sexualities, and without the need to come out because straight-passing is easier and coming out is not necessary to facilitate happiness. Ultimately, this leads us to believe we do not have a right to come out. Coming out is hailed as a triumph in the LGBT+ community—something which requires bravery and is necessary so one can live true to oneself. So if being true to oneself is the ultimate goal of coming out, what right does a bisexual individual have to “come out” when he/she is being genuine by committing to a heterosexual relationship? And what right does a bisexual individual who mostly dates those of the opposite gender have to demand attention by coming out when it is not going to affect who he/she dates? Essentially, it is drawing attention to oneself when it is not going to change how one lives his/her life. This always seemed to me like stealing the thunder of people who need to come out in order to be happy. When a gay or lesbian individual comes out, it often signifies a time when that person can openly enter romantic relationships with same-gender individuals; if a bisexual person comes out, it may not change who he/she dates at all. Therefore, the act of coming out seems pointless because it does not achieve the main goal of genuineness and seems to devalue an action which has the effect of changing people’s lives.

Additionally, people in my situation may take this feeling of not having a right further by feeling they do not have the right to identify as bisexual. After all, how can someone claim to be bisexual when they have not even "tested" their bisexuality? This was a prospect I struggled with for a long time, however, it is clearly silly logic. Straight people often know they are straight long before they have any romantic or sexual experiences, so why does someone who is attracted to same-gender individuals need to justify their sexuality with their experiences?

Nevertheless, these are many of the thoughts with which I have contended, and I suspect others in similar positions have experienced related dilemmas. Not only have I felt it unnecessary to come out in order to form the relationships I desire, but I have felt unjustified in my sexuality. This all stems from the lack of belonging mentioned previously. The cycle is endless: the out-group homogeneity effect imposed by the heterosexual majority creates a divide in the bisexual community, leading those who have had primarily heterosexual relationships to feel disconnected from the LGBT+ community due to insubstantial experience with discrimination and same-gender relationships, culminating in this subset of bisexual individuals feeling unjustified in their sexual orientations and unable to come out.

So what can be done to quell bisexual erasure and its effects? First of all, it is important to help the heterosexual population become aware of the diversity of the LGBT+ community. If straight individuals recognize the LGBT+ community consists of many more subsets than gay and lesbian, the out-group homogeneity effect can be minimized and bisexual individuals will experience greater security within the LGBT+ community. Secondly, the bisexual community needs to resist being divided between those who are “mostly gay” and those who are “straight-passing.” If the bisexual community is unified, those in it will feel a greater sense of belonging and, by extent, more justified in their sexual orientations. Finally, bisexual individuals need to remember what they feel is real. This means the following: someone cannot dictate your sexual orientation. Your sexual orientation is not the sum of your experiences; your sexual orientation is exactly what you believe it is. You, and you alone, know who you are attracted to. Whether you feel it is best to come out or to remain silent, the decision should be made not because of guilt or the influence of others, but to serve a purpose in one's life. I stayed silent for a long time. I felt no need to come out when it was not going to change how I lived my life. But now here I am, coming out, not so I can live my life any differently, but so I can share my story and shed light on what bisexual erasure is and the effects it has. I hope after reading this people who do not share my experiences will be more informed, and those who do will have the knowledge that they are not alone. So right now, coming out serves that purpose.