Every year on September 1st, I start to get overly excited for my birthday, which happens to be the last day of September, so I have to wait a whole month. This year in particular, I was even more excited because of the meaning behind this birthday: twenty-one. This would be the day I had been waiting for since college began, the day all my friends had talked about, and the day I would finally be able to go out with all my friends who had turned 21 before me.
While every year in the month and weeks leading up to my birthday, I am more excited than the average child for their birthday, when it comes down to it, the actual day of birth sucks. Every year, for some reason or another, I get insanely sad on my birthday. I've never quite understood why this happens. I always have friends or family to celebrate with, and they always try their hardest to make it special for me, but sometimes it's just not enough. And it's not what they're doing that's not enough (because I really do appreciate all everyone does for me), but it's the fact that all the attention is on me and I don't know what to do with it.
My freshman year of college I made sure to make everyone's birthday special by decorating their door and room or making a cake for them, I just wanted them to feel good on their special day. When my birthday came around, my roommates decorated for me and took me to dinner, but I sat in bed for most of the day not wanting to leave my room. I really did not understand why I felt this way. My sophomore year, my best friend made me pancakes and got all my favorite snacks for me to bring to school and work, and later my friends surprised me with cupcakes. I was so overwhelmed with the surprise that later, I cried in my bathroom. My junior year, my boyfriend and roommate decorated my room and woke me up with flowers, donuts and coffee, but for some reason I could not enjoy my day. And finally for my senior year, let's just say I spent most of the day in bed.
I thought that I was crazy, and I continued to do this until I saw a clip from the Real Housewives of New York where Bethenny Frankel talks about being sad on her birthday. She explained it as something you build up so much in your head for so long and then you get to the day and you're so beyond overwhelmed that you just have an emotional breakdown. Basically, we expect so much from ourselves and so much from our birthday that it's next to impossible to live up to. We expect to wake up on our birthday feeling different or changed or at least like the day is special, and when it doesn't feel that way, we get upset and emotional. When one thing doesn't go right, we freak out and have meltdowns, and when everyone has their attention on us, we can't handle the spotlight (even though we thought we wanted it). She described it perfectly by saying she gets the "birthday blues" each year. Finally, I knew I was not alone.
Despite always being completely overwhelmed on my birthday and wanting to shut the world out, I am trying to not be this way. I've realized that people are just trying to make me happy and trying to make me feel special for my day, just like I had done for my friends freshman year in the dorms. My boyfriend told me that I make it all up in my head, and I have nothing to be sad about, and he's right. I should be happy on my birthday; it's my day. I know sometimes it's hard to imagine that everyone is celebrating you for a day, but I'm fortunate to have amazing friends who I care for dearly. I am so thankful for everyone who made my birthday special and who celebrated with me. Besides being sick, this birthday was one of the best. It's amazing how much love you receive when you learn to accept that love.
Birthdays should be happy, and they should be spent with the people we love. We should not spend out birthdays laying in bed or sobbing in the bathroom. We should enjoy our time in the spotlight simply because we can. So, here's to embracing birthdays and not more birthday blues. You only turn each age once, so you might as well enjoy it.
