Each day was a treacherous journey that made me want to crawl under the comforter on my bed and never resurface. I stopped caring about the things that I used to be most passionate about – writing, my education, my friendships. I had begun to stop caring for myself altogether.

I would stay awake all night filled with such intense anxiety that my entire body would go numb and the world would unwind itself around me. I had dealt with my own personal anxieties in the past and I had bouts of sadness (nothing near the intensity of Clinical Depression). This was nothing like what I had experienced in the past.

I felt like an entirely different person.

I began to down caffeine like it was ice cold water on a Florida summer day. I was desperate to encourage myself to stay awake and force myself to focus on returning to my normal habits. However, that only seemed to make the anxious feelings worse. I was struggling and terrified that no one would believe I was dealing with these harsh feelings.

I began doing research, collecting information, and brainstorming ideas as to what could possibly be causing me to feel so entirely awful. Better yet, I was trying to find a way to fix this. I realized that these intense feelings and episodes had begun around the time when my birth control prescription was changed. I was not entirely sold on the idea that such a small, unoffending pill that I had gulped down each morning without any second thought could be causing such problems, but I figured looking into it was worth a try.

Reviews for the brand I was using and many other brands were overwhelmingly negative. Many other women reported the same symptoms that I was dealing with. They talked about their own mental states being far less than sub-par.

I was both elated and concerned. I had found what was likely the answer to my many questions over the past six months of hell. But going off birth control wasn’t an option for me. I needed a reliable form of birth control as a responsible woman and I did not want to give up a regulated menstrual cycle.

I had an appointment the next day to speak with my doctor about my options. Since then, I have tried three other birth control pills and I am now considering other possible forms to employ in place of the pill. While I am not sold on the idea that the current pill I am on is the perfect match for me, it is a vast improvement from the one I had been on.

I want to reach out to other girls with similar situations and encourage them to seek out a new pill or type of birth control method. No woman deserves to give up her mental health and happiness while trying to prevent pregnancies.

Since changing from that birth control, I am happy to report that I have returned to the activities and hobbies I once loved. I have stopped having daily anxiety attacks with no obvious trigger.

I am no longer in a state of depression that once felt impossible to pull myself from. I am no longer a prisoner to the petite daily pill I once used.