Dear “Dad,”

I would first like to say thank you in having a part in making me. I love the life I have. The second thing I would like to say to you is just one word: why? Why would you choose to walk in and out of my life like I’m some toy you can play with whenever you want, and put it back when you get bored. I’m a human being, and because of you I have trust issues like crazy that affect my life every day; and because of you my relationship suffers every day.

A little girl’s biggest hero and best friend when she is growing up is supposed to be her dad, but I didn’t get the chance to experience that. All I got was broken promises. Growing up, you would always tell me that you would be there whenever I needed you, but you weren’t. You were only there when you felt like being a dad, and running from your other family that you had. I remember birthdays when you promised that you would be there, and when you weren’t there I cried. You didn’t even call to tell me happy birthday, or that you were sorry you couldn’t come.

Those broken promises cause so many problems in my life, and still affect me to this day as I’m growing into an adult. Those broken promises have caused me countless fights with my boyfriend that weren't necessary, and have recently caused me to end my relationship with him. I hope you’re happy for the damages that you have caused only because you didn’t want me at all times, or want to love me. Through all this dark stuff and endless hours in therapy there is light that comes from not having you in my life: Mom got married to a man who loved her very much; the man she married wanted to become my dad and adopted me; I am who I am today because of you.

I remember, at my adoption hearing, you were making a big fuss out of wanting a relationship with me and how you always wanted one. Here it is, almost six years after my adoption, and we still don’t have a relationship. When we are around each other you still break your promises so you can do for your current family -- and not for me, your first born. I get that I’m not a little girl, and it’s hard to come into a teenage girl's life and father her when you barely know her, but the smallest gestures that you wanted to be in my life would have meant a lot to me. It’s the 21st century; everyone has cell phones, so even a call or a text to see how I’m doing is good enough for me. I’m not angry that you didn’t want to be in my life -- that hurts deep down inside. I’m angry at the damage you have caused in my life, and the damage which makes it so hard to trust people and that cause me to break down every time the smallest promise is broken.