Having a big heart also means it breaks easily. So, many times you would think because there is so much love to give that it would mean losing some of it wouldn't be a big deal, but I promise you it still hurts as bad. With everyone I love, I give them a piece of my heart. So, the more I am giving it away, the easier it lands in someone's hands that shatter it. As they break that piece of my heart, they are also breaking a part of me, and trust me it is not a fun feeling. It shatters you beyond what you thought was capable, each time it happens again.
Many times I sit and wonder if I am loved as much I love others, and more times than not the answer is no. There are so many times that I ask myself: why do I let people walk all over me? It is not like I have a big sign over my head saying "take advantage of my love," but so many times I feel like there is. It feels like there is a giant arrow blinking above my head saying "she will travel the world for you, but it is okay if you give her nothing in return" (not that I ever am). Loving someone comes so easy to me that it is hard to understand why it is so hard for others to return the love.
I feel like I am not worthy of the love of others because no matter how many times I try to win over their love, I can't seem to receive it back. Honestly that might just be because I hold people at a higher standard than I should. But at the same time, if I am going above and beyond for the people I love, why can't they just meet me half way? I exhaust myself to make sure everyone surrounding me is happy even if that costs me my own happiness. But, in the end I would trade my happiness every time if that means someone else can feel loved.
I feel that so many people struggle with this balance, and honey you are not alone. I will be the first to admit having the biggest heart is the biggest blessing and curse. It brings you so much heartache, but at the same time it gives you so much love and joy. I would not change it for the world. For every tear I shed I know that in return I made someone laugh, smile, and sigh in relief, and in the end that is worth the shattered heart. If I have to take all of the shattered hearts in the world, I would take it if that means my friends and family can remain whole.
Love is a huge part of society today, and it is missing in so many places. Love conquers all, and makes life worth it. Without love, life would be a meaningless cycle of time. Every time I am asked why I let someone push me over or take advantage of me, I say if that is what makes them happy that day, right or wrong, it still did, and therefore my job is accomplished. Because in the end I will still continue to give my heart to others, the good and the bad, if it means that they can feel the love of another. Because love is the greatest gift you can ever receive. I only wish that sometimes I put in a little less effort to give those surrounding my happiness to save myself some pain, but just because I wish I would does not mean I will. Because in the end there is a reason God blessed me with a big heart, and that is to spread all the love and joy I can, even if that is at the cost of mine.
"It takes a big heart to shape little minds." - Anonymous
