Bondi Sander once said, “When you react, you let others control you. When you respond, you are in control.” My first question to you is what side of the spectrum are you on? I want you to really contemplate this question. It’s an important one. Are you in control of your emotions or are your emotions controlling you? My overall goal in this essay is to help you realize that things aren't happening to you, they are happening for you.
Let’s say you are in a relationship, and your partner one day breaks it off with you. You adored your partner and you are heartbroken that that it’s over. You then become sad. You start the spiral downwards. Maybe you spend the day eating ice cream and worrying about it all day. You then decide that because of that break up you won’t find someone else as perfect as that old partner so you don’t want to go out and meet people anymore. You then will be feeling sad, and wallow in this sadness. Your days then become polluted with these negative thoughts and the spiral continues downward.
Let’s look at this same scenario on the other side of the spectrum. The breakup hits you. This time, instead of spiraling downwards, you stop and think about the scenario for a second. You won’t let it take you down this time. You decide to rationalize it differently. Your first thought, this time, is, “if we broke up, it just wasn’t meant to be.” You then think about how you could have an even better match waiting out there for you. Maybe your old partner couldn’t dance but you have a passion for dancing and want someone who you can dance with fluently. After you start thinking this way, you can’t help but feel more excited and happy for the future. Contrary to the other storyline line where you feel sad and depressed.
Most people tend to believe that their happiness is based on environmental factors. If something good happens, they are happy. If something negative happens, then they become sad. The truth is that environmental factors do not determine your happiness. You determine your happiness. It is about the way you perceive your situations.
The next time something happens that may seem negative. It’s up to you to filter those negative thoughts into positive thoughts that benefit you instead of taking away from you. Doing so will lead to an inner happiness. How could you not feel content and happy, when you keep turning all your negative situations into positive ones?
I challenge you to spend the next few days making this concept the main focus of your day. Pay attention to how your mind wants to interpret situations and make sure it’s the interpretation that you want. Then watch how your life changes for the better.
