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A Big Thank Ya' To My Significant Other

Just a few things I'd like to thank you for but I'll also be apologizing for later.

Regan Dorman

Aug 05, 2017

Colorado

Regan Dorman

Well, the time has come that I tell you how grateful I am for you. No one has even tried to thank their SO for all of the wonderful things that they do, so I am pinoeering this extremely rare topic and writing this never before seen article on all of the things I would like to thank my boyfriend for. So, here is a giant cliche I'm absolutely certain you saw coming:

Thanks, Jakey Poo.

Thanks for listening to me talk about my five pound poops. It really shows me how much you care. There is no one else I'd rather talk about that with.

Thank you for encouraging me to burp more than I already do. Also, thank you for recognizing the fact that I burped every time I do it because you know it hurts my feelings if you don't. Such a caring guy.

Thank you for dealing with my psycho intoxicated ass. It takes a special person to listen to someone talk about how they are secretly "gay" and then proceed to tell you a wild story that in no way pertains to their apparently real sexuality. I couldn't ask for more.

Thanks for bringing me McDanks after getting off a horrifying shift with a crotchety old woman who throws her Bible at me. You really know how to brighten my day.

Thanks for only making fun of me because compliments are for losers and insults build character. Not quite sure what I would do without you.

Thank you for wearing the absolute ugliest clothes and shoes I think I've ever seen anyone attempt to wear because it gives me something to dislike about you. You're my shining star either way.

Thanks for forcing me to hike with you. I guess you technically forced me to consider death as well, but hey, you're broadening my horizons. #CouplesWhoHikeTogetherStayTogether.

Thanks for having just about the weirdest set of friends I've ever been around because I couldn't ask for better folk to hangout with. Sunday barbecues will forever be in my heart, and all because of you.

Thank you for being an atheist. Actually, I don't quite understand that one so never mind. I'll pray for you.

And last, but certainly not least, thanks for showing me that standards are crap. If it wasn't for you and those ugly ass hiking boots, I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I am right now.

Thanks, Sweet Bottom. Muah.

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