“She's a jellyfisher: You have a conversation with her that seems all nice and friendly, then you suddenly feel like you've been stung and you don't know where it came from."
- Helen Fielding
This is so hard to write, but something is pushing me to do it, so here it goes—my best friend and I aren't friends any longer, and the worst part is I don't really know why.
Did we grow apart? Did someone spread rumors into her ear? Did our unresolved conflicts finally burst our bubble? Yeah, I have my guesses.
But this just can't be since we have grown together by each other's sides all our lives, for 18 years, through all the ups and downs that our childhood threw at us. I thought we were stronger—but were we always as robust as I imagined?
I've changed, yes.
I’ve made mistakes, yes.
I’ve hurt you, yes.
You’ve hurt me, too, and I've only now finally accepted that it's always been this way.
“Do you ever feel like you're not even friends with some of your friends?”
- Karen Salmansohn
You have always hurt me. We were always frenemies and I was just the fool who placed my everything, my trust, my love, my tears, my laughs, my everything in your hands.
But, now that we are apart, I've realized how much tension and friction was present in our "ever-lasting" relationship—yet, the strain was never generated from my side. I was always in pain—from pre-school to high school—and I always accepted your apologies because I believed that you really did care, even if in public I was nobody to you. It was your pattern.
Alone, together, you were always there for me, to comfort me, to laugh with me, to do BFF things, but, in public, I wasn't "cool" enough for you. I was different from the other girls and your attention was on them. Unlike what you may think, this isn't a recent discovery. I've been different than the others for my entire life, and you never tried to include me within the group.
Remember that last Halloween party when we had that crying session in the bathroom? We discussed all of our failings. I was convinced that our relationship would finally be mended, but, now, here we are.
It just got worse from that night on.
And when others turned away from me, so did you. We will never get a second chance and I don't think I can give you one. Our connection is irreparable. So, I guess my best friend and I broke up.
