Far too often, I catch myself conforming to who others want me to be instead of who I once yearned to be. More days than not, I find myself stressing about how my decisions influence others to the point of me feeling physically sick, which is not how anyone should live. This has happened for so long and so often that I have a hard time remembering who I even was before others told me who I should be instead. When asked who I am, I want to be able to confidently say aspects about myself that I am proud to share, not those that are what I believe should be shared to make everyone else happy.
Think back to a time in your life when you were actually excited about your future plans and were confident in who you wanted to become. Can you? I can, but it definitely has taken me a while to remember myself before I was tainted with the weight and doubts of the world. I’ve pushed down this part of me for so long, and recently I realized that I need to stop feeling guilty for things I want; Instead, I have chosen to become better and achieve what I want for myself.
For me, I knew at a young age a general outline of what I wanted in my life. Over time, I became so worn down with everyone in my life digging pieces inside of me away and influencing my decisions. So much negativity and skepticism lurked around and hounded me with every passing day. From college decisions, to future careers, to even decisions that are years off in the making, I was pushed into becoming the person everyone else desired me to be instead of making decisions for myself. When I looked in the mirror, I wasn't happy with who was staring back at me. At the end of each day, I worked so hard convincing myself that I could live with these decisions and get by, but life is about so much more than getting by. I was so unhappy and filled with regret all the time about every decision I made. After being constantly drained, sad and stressed, I knew I needed to make a change. Finally, I realized the importance of living not for anyone else, but for myself.
Seeing the bigger picture about making yourself a priority is such a beautiful thing. If you constantly live feeling ordinary and just content in the decisions you are making, you are not living up to your full potential. You are on this Earth to be anything but ordinary. You are alive to fulfill your dreams, your potential, and your destiny.By letting others’ doubts, negativity, and desires stand in the way of you accomplishing what you once had a passion for, you are hurting no one but yourself.
You want to get involved with an activity but you’re afraid of what your family and friends will think? Go for it. You want to go to a different college than what your family sees fit? Do it. You want to spend your life working for a non-profit instead of a business job that will pay the bills yet leave you unsatisfied? There's no reason why you shouldn't. Don’t let your fears or others’ doubts stop you. Build your confidence, find your inner peace, ignite your passions again, and just start enjoying your life.
At the end of the day, if you’re not happy with yourself, what is even the point? Go on. Be yourself. Start doing things to make you happy and feed the passion in your own life that you should. Live for yourself because once you start doing so, your quality of life will greatly improve. I'm not saying it will always be easy, but it is always going to be worth it. Life is sometimes messy, and there are no guarantees that everything will work out exactly the way you want, but at least you can say that you tried and were happy while trying. I’m rooting for you, even if no one else may be. Go be a better you, for you. You won't regret it.
