Hello friends, and Happy New Year! Welcome to 2018!

So obviously, people make resolutions around the New Year - things they'd like to improve about themselves and most of them are about working out or losing weight or eating healthy or whatever. People always make the same resolutions and almost never follow through with them. That's because the very idea of resolutions is stupid. If you want to change, you should do it right away, not with the turning of the years. But it's a tradition and people seem hell-bent on doing it.

So I'm here today to present you with 11 better New Year's resolutions that you can actually achieve!

1. Call your grandma

So this one seems simple but a lot of people forget to do it. She's a nice lady. Just give her a ring and have a chat every now and again. She'll appreciate it more than you know.

2. Be more pleasant

Again, this seems simple, and people make resolutions about being more positive, but if you want to have a brighter outlook, sometimes, you have to fake it 'til you make it. Do nice little things for people. Empty the dishwasher, send thank you cards, smile as you pass people. You'd be amazed how much of a difference it can make.

3. Create less pollution

Ride your bike more often. Walk. Create less trash. Recycle more. Eat locally sourced foods, especially meat. Again, no-brainer.

4. Learn something

A new language, a bit of history, some math, who cares? Learn something you wouldn't otherwise have learned unless you set out to.

5. Stay away from your ex

Trust me, you'll thank me in the morning.

6. Actually do things that make you happy

You're unhappy? Quit your shitty job, break up with your shitty significant other, move out of your shitty apartment. CHANGE THE THING THATS MAKING YOU UNHAPPY.

7. Become more cultured

Go to museums, watch foreign films, eat food from other countries, see plays and musicals. Broaden your horizons. And for that matter...

8. Try some things you don't like

You might find you actually like them. If you try it and you still don't, that's okay. At least you tried.

9. Make time for yourself

Don't forget that you gotta take care of yourself every now and then. You is important. You needs care too.

10. Spend time with kids

Nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, friends' kids, whatever. Hang out with them. Hear what they have to say. A lot of them are wiser than you think. Plus it's just fun.

11. Don't be a dick

This kind of goes along with being more pleasant but I think I've figured out what life is. Paraphrasing Russell Howard in his new Netflix special Recalibrate (no, I am not being paid to promote this): "Do your best and don't be a dick." That's all you can do in life.

That's all I've got you guys! Happy New Year!