I think it hurts so much to let go because we were best friends. Actually we were more than best friends. You were my other half, my partner in crime, my confidant, my soulmate. You were someone who accepted me for everything that I was. I think it hurts so much because I invested so much time, energy, love, and care into a friendship that I cared so deeply about and I feel that it wasn't reciprocated. It hurts because I expected so much from you and you let me down time and time again, but I blame myself for having those high expectations. I've also come to terms with the fact that I am not perfect either. I know that I let you down and I'm sorry for that.

People say the hardest break ups are with the people we imagine spending the rest of our lives with; people we imagine falling in love with, marrying, and raising a family of our own with. However, I disagree with that because who says your best friend can't break your heart too? I'm sorry that I wasn't able to fight for our friendship the way you always wanted me to. I have always allowed my pride to overpower how much I care because I was afraid of getting hurt. Lord knows that we've been through so much together and we've always managed to fix it and find our way back to each other, but I know that this time is different. We're both different.

I was tired of not being a priority in your life. I was tired of coming second place to your other friendships. I was tired of everyone else knowing firsthand what was happening in your life, except for me. The reality of it is my feelings didn't matter to you until you wanted them to matter. I was tired of fighting for a friendship that wasn't working for either of us anymore, but most importantly me.

To be honest with you, I blame myself for the way things ended with us. I think that I set the expectations too high for the kind of person I wanted you to. I wanted you to be someone that you never were and I think that's where I messed up. I also didn't show you that I cared enough and I pushed you away because I let my anger get the best of me. I chose to walk away this summer because I believed that this was the only choice I had left to do with our friendship. I came to terms with the fact that things were not going to get better because we have had the same problems for the last two years and I didn't feel like much had changed. I know that this is something that may have been really hard for you to understand, but I did it for me because I felt like I had to. I had to stop allowing you to break my heart. I had to stop putting effort into you that was not being reciprocated. I had to stop accepting things just because I loved you and you were my best friend and you wanted to fix our problems because that wasn't enough for me. When you love someone, it's more than words. It's more than a conversation. It's more than saying you're sorry and that you care. It's about actions....and they weren't there. I had to put myself first.

I'm sorry I deleted you off of my social media, but I couldn't stand the thought of us keeping up with each other's lives, but not being a part of it. I'm sorry for ignoring your calls the week we fought because I know that I hurt you by ignoring you. I'm sorry for never showing you that I cared enough to fight for our friendship, but it was always because I was afraid of caring more than you did and I allowed my pride to get the best of me. I'm sorry for pushing you away when you were only trying to pull me closer because you believed in our friendship and you wanted to make things work. Most importantly, I'm sorry for breaking your heart as well throughout this entire process because you lost your best friend too.

This is still a process for me. I get sad when I think about you and I get angry at myself. It's sad when my mom asks about you and I have nothing to tell her. It's upsetting when I look at pictures of us together and think about all the memories we have together. Every time someone asks me if you and I have talked, a lump forms in my throat every time I say no. I wish I could tell you that I didn't care and I was over it, but I'm not. I'm mending a broken heart. However, I'm learning to be content with the way things are. If everyone was meant to be held onto, no one would grow as a person. Sometimes friendships just don't work out and you have to accept that.

Despite how everything ended, you were a huge part of my life and I can't take that away from you, nor do I want to. We experienced so much together and I am grateful for the relationship we did have. I am grateful for the laughs, the cries, and the good and bad times. Thank you for loving me when I couldn't love myself. Thank you for always supporting my decisions. Thank you for constantly fighting for our friendship and making the effort to show me that you cared when things went wrong. Despite where we stand right now, I am happy for you and I hope you're doing extremely well. I know you are.