We've all heard it: those pieces of advice that are so overused that they've become cliche cop-outs for genuine input. We hear them everywhere and we tell them to ourselves. However, have we ever taken a second to think that maybe they aren't the best pieces of advice? Some of them literally contradict each other: "Out of sight, out of mind" vs. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Or, "Birds of a feather flock together" vs. "Opposites attract."
Below is a compilation of the worst cliches I heard throughout my life, followed by a compilation of cliches that turned out to be the best advice.
Worst:
1. “There’s always room for improvement.”
Sometimes, this may very well be true. Other times, just because something can be improved doesn’t mean it needs to be. This advice negatively impacted my views on body image growing up, both of myself and of others. It took countless, unsatisfactory hours at the gym and pointless fad-diets to realize that there isn’t always room for improvement. Does that mean I’m perfect? No. Does that mean it’s okay to be imperfect? Always.
2. “Boys will do anything for sex."
Well, maybe some boys will, but men won’t. I missed out on several great guys who, in hindsight, genuinely had feelings for me. But I didn’t believe them, and nothing they did made me believe them as I was convinced they were only after one thing.
3. “Do as I say, not as I do.”
While the advice that preceded this comment may have very well been valid, it didn’t resonate with me if it ended with this phrase. The people I admire the most lead me by example. I will listen to the advice of those whom I can respect what they say AND what they do.
4. “Don’t like something? Change it.”
It’s not always that easy. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean you can or should change it. Life often gets in the way.
5. “Boys will be boys.”
This phrase excuses insensitivity and stern masculinity, violence and abuse among men as if they’re inherently a**holes by nature. These behaviors need to be addressed, not excused under the disturbing myth that guys are not in control of their violent or sexual impulses. Men need to be held accountable for their actions, too, especially when those actions include rape, abuse, and other violence.
6. “Play hard to get.”
No, actually, don’t “play” anything. To play games in order to win someone’s affection is not only ineffective but it’s manipulative towards both yourself and the other person. Be yourself, openly and genuinely. I can almost guarantee that being yourself around someone you have feelings for does not include ignoring them.
7. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Not everything has to happen for a reason. Sometimes, things just happen, and they suck. It’s a part of life. According to my own beliefs, events and circumstances do not happen in our lives according to a preemptive plan or for any predetermined reason. Rather, we choose how we make meaning of those events.
8. “Men don’t like women who are smarter than them.”
First, it’s not a competition. Second, I take tremendous pride in my intelligence. I’d rather have a man who loves that part of me than dumb myself down to protect his ego.
9. “Love means putting the other person first.”
Of course the definition of love entails selflessness and going out of your way for the other person. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean they need to be made a priority over taking care of yourself. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean their needs and desires always come first. After all, you should love yourself, too.
10. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Actually, words do hurt. In fact, they can hurt more. This statement takes away from the impact that words can actually have on a person, community, or society as a whole. I could easily tell myself to shrug off cruelty and hateful speech from others, but this is easier said than done. Conversely, it is important to consider the words you say to and about others. They can actually hold a lot of power.
Best:
1. “Don’t be comfortable, be happy.”
Stepping outside your comfort zone will always be a good idea. Trying new things, taking risks, and acting spontaneously make life more fulfilling, help the days stand distinct from each other, and make you further appreciate the little things. In turn, you will be a happier human being.
2. “If something can be replaced with money, it is not valuable.”
Our relationships with others, and the time we spend investing in those relationships, is never wasted. It is our relationships with other people that bring the most genuine joy in life -- more joy than the biggest house, fanciest car, or newest technology ever could. You can never get back your time, and you can never get back people. Those are the real investments, and they are the most worth investing in.
3. “It is what it is.”
Sometimes, things happen and you cannot change them. As much as you try and hope that they may, certain parts of and events within life cannot be changed or avoided. It’s a fact of life that you have to deal with these things. The first step in doing so is accepting that they are not within your control, and that’s that.
4. “Think for yourself."
Or as my debate professor would say, “Don’t be a sheeple.” Lead rather than follow. Develop your own beliefs, opinions, and perspectives of the world rather than going along with the crowd. The brightest minds and most revolutionary people in history were not sheeps, they were lions. They thought outside of the box and developed their own ideas; this is what made them leaders.
5. “Gratitude is the key to happiness.”
Happiness does not come from wanting more, it comes from being grateful for all you already have.
6. “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
Failure is a part of life. Even the most successful entrepreneurs, scholars, and professionals in any field had to fail at least once to succeed. Success is earned, and it doesn’t come easy. Sure, failure is scary. It’s the fear of failure that encourages us to try our hardest every time until something works. Do fear failure, but choose to act in spite of that fear.
7. “Be true to your word.”
I have found that for college students and graduates, this is especially important to understand. College provides the security of potential. Throughout my college years, I was allowed to say I’ll do one thing or another and just desiring to do those things was enough. But, as a recent graduate, I entered into a world where my only credibility is that which is earned. In the “real” world, talk is not enough. It is not enough to say you will do something or go somewhere. Fulfillment, joy, and respect is earned in your actions, in following through with what you say you will do.
8. “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.”
Compassion and genuine empathy are the greatest but rarest qualities a person can possess. However, we are all more than capable of them. To be truly empathetic is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open yourself to feel the feelings of the person with whom you are empathizing. It is not easy, but it is always worth it. Compassion is the greatest trait that makes us human. When you practice it regularly, people notice, and they appreciate it.
9. “Whatever happens is right.”
Things do not happen to us, they happen for us. Even the ugliest and hardest parts of life can induce a beautiful growth. They will reveal your strength and grace. In this regard, they are right. Life happens and it doesn’t always happen as you expect, but it will set you down a path you would not have crossed otherwise. Along this path, you may meet people, seize opportunities, and have experiences you wouldn’t have even known if the universe didn’t hand you an unanticipated surprise.
10. “Love yourself.”
Love all that you are: your body, personality, mind, strengths, weaknesses, and everything else. The fact of the matter is, you’re stuck with yourself. It’ll be a miserable life if you spent it resenting yourself, blaming yourself, and not allowing yourself to rest.
Just as you should have compassion and empathy for others, you should have compassion and empathy for yourself. It’s okay if you make a mistake or ultimately fail. It’s okay if you don’t look like that girl on Instagram. It’s okay if the person you feel strongly for doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. It doesn’t make you any less valuable of a person. You, your mind, and your body are capable of the most amazing things, and they all deserve your love and care.
