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22 Times Titus Andromedon Said Everything You Were Thinking

Sometimes, you've just gotta get real.

Morgan Lyle

Feb 20, 2019

James Madison

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22 Times Titus Andromedon Said Everything You Were Thinking

Netflix

"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit" is undoubtedly the most successful and hilarious comedy about living in the aftermath of a religious cult. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, it begins with the discovery of what the show calls "The Mole Women." These women were abducted, forced into a cult with a single male leader, and held in a bunker for years. When they are finally rescued, the world above ground is far different from the world they left behind.

Kimmy Schmit, the star of the show (aside from Titus, that is) is a former Mole Woman trying to find her place in New York City. Titus Andromedon, her quirky sidekick, is one of a kind. His flamboyant personality leaves us as viewers with many golden nuggets of wisdom to quote.

So if you're feeling down, like no one understands you, or you're just in for a good laugh, remember Titus can do it all.

"I don't know what to say. So I'm hoping the tone of my voice makes you think I do, OK?"

Source

"But I've already done something today!"

Source

"I'll have a water. Two sugars."

Source

"I don't give up on everything that I -- whatever."

Source

"Quitters are America's unsung heroes. Without us, we'd probably still be going to the moon."

Source

"Girl, you need to stop, drop, and roll. By which I mean stop talking, drop the subject and get me a cinnamon roll."

Source

"I'm pretty but tough, like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ballgown."

Source

"I can't think that far ahead. I don't even know how this sentence is going to end -- volcano."

Source

"I've decided to live as a bed from now on."

Source

"There are three things Titus Andromendon does not do: apologies, drag, and calculus."

Source

"I don't want to talk about this, Kimmy. I'm being dramatical."

Source

"I am in the midst of a personal renaissance. My finances, my love life, my eyebrow game."

Source

"I fell asleep eating a hot pocket."

Source

"I am an enigma."

Source

"I'm not overreacting. I'm Lemonading."

Source

"I can't fix America."

Source

"I envy you. I've never been able to meet me."

Source

"As long as it rhymes, everything will be fines."

Source

"and you know, all my clothes double as pajamas."

Source

"I pronounce you ridiculous."

Source

"I've got at title, a beat, and an attitude."

Source

"#Respectmyjourney"

Source

No matter what conversation you're having, Titus can work his way into it. Next time you're not sure what advice to give to someone, just take one from Titus and say, "I don't know what to say. So I'm hoping the tone of my voice makes you think I do, OK?"

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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22 Times Titus Andromedon Said Everything You Were Thinking

Sometimes, you've just gotta get real.

In This Article:

"I don't know what to say. So I'm hoping the tone of my voice makes you think I do, OK?"

"But I've already done something today!"

"I'll have a water. Two sugars."

"I don't give up on everything that I -- whatever."

"Quitters are America's unsung heroes. Without us, we'd probably still be going to the moon."

"Girl, you need to stop, drop, and roll. By which I mean stop talking, drop the subject and get me a cinnamon roll."

"I'm pretty but tough, like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ballgown."

"I can't think that far ahead. I don't even know how this sentence is going to end -- volcano."

"I've decided to live as a bed from now on."

"There are three things Titus Andromendon does not do: apologies, drag, and calculus."

"I don't want to talk about this, Kimmy. I'm being dramatical."

"I am in the midst of a personal renaissance. My finances, my love life, my eyebrow game."

"I fell asleep eating a hot pocket."

"I am an enigma."

"I'm not overreacting. I'm Lemonading."

"I can't fix America."

"I envy you. I've never been able to meet me."

"As long as it rhymes, everything will be fines."

"and you know, all my clothes double as pajamas."

"I pronounce you ridiculous."

"I've got at title, a beat, and an attitude."

"#Respectmyjourney"

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

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