Whether you're a new parent or are getting ready to welcome a baby into your family, you're probably being bombarded with advice on how to raise your child. Play with your kid, but let them develop their own hobbies. Be firm, but don't control them. Be involved, but let them be independent. Talk to them all the time, but don't overstimulate them. Follow their lead, but set clear boundaries. It can seem impossible to take all of the advice offered to you and half of it might not even make sense. Once and for all, the tips below will be all you need to raise a child.
Be yourself.
Being a good parent isn't about being perfect, it's about being human. Parents are children's first contact with the world. They look to you to help make sense of what it means to be alive and being alive is messy. If you try and force perfection on yourself and your family, you miss all of the lessons and essential development that happens when we make mistakes, like that time you realized kids actually do know how to lie about who made that mess in the kitchen and they will blame it on the goldfish.
Be yourself.
Your child will think the world of you. It's a lot of pressure to put on one person, but you will probably think the world of your child too. And if you don't prescribe to that mindset, that's okay. We're fed this idea that child-rearing is a wonderful, pastel picture of light streaming through the windows and joyful gurgles, but the reality is more… real. You will probably have moments that you contemplate if having a child was really what you wanted or if you're a horrible parent for just wanting, like, five minutes alone. Letting yourself experience these moments and acknowledge the darker side of raising a family is better for you and your child as you work through these emotions, instead of hiding them away and letting them fester into resentment, blame, self-pity and hopelessness.
Be yourself.
You could put your child in the best preschool, feed them organic whole-foods, only choose toys made from natural materials, read to them every night and take them to places where they can explore rich hands-on experiences and still the absolute best thing you could possibly give them is you. You aren't going to ruin your child's life because you couldn't afford to send them to that private school that "guarantees" college-readiness.
Be yourself.
Taking care of your family means taking care of yourself. We're often encouraged to stretch ourselves thin by giving away too much of our time and emotional resources, including to our families. If you are unhappy trying to be the perfect parent, you're not alone. Everyone is unhappy trying to be the perfect parent. It's unattainable and comparing yourself to Johnson & Johnson commercials isn't going to get you any closer to that fantasy.
Be yourself.
Sometimes being ourselves means admitting our shortcomings. The saying goes that it takes a village to raise a child, but in our fiercely independent society, our well-meaning villages tend to come with an added tax of shame and guilt. Asking for help when you need it doesn't make you a failed parent -- it makes you a parent who is willing to set aside your fears of judgment in order to grow with your child.
Bringing another person into the world can be terrifying. Every mistake seems to spell doom for your child. But people are resilient -- including parents and children. At the end of the day, you are enough for your child.
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