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Best One Liners From 'The Office'

An office is a place where dreams come true.

Meghan Brower

Nov 30, 2015

University of Delaware

69172

Word Press

Dunder Mifflin Paper Company was home to some of the best characters in television history, and even though the series has ended, we can still binge-watch our favorite episodes (thank you Netflix Gods). Known for their witty and dry humor, the writers of "The Office" have provided fans with quotable one-liners appropriate for all situations.

"Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me!" - Michael Scott

"If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about?" - Creed Bratton

"'You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take' - Wayne Gretzky." - Michael Scott

"Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist I will attack you with the North.'" - Michael Scott

"You all took a life here today. The life of the party." - Michael Scott

"Suddenly, she's not yo ho no mo'." - Michael Scott

"I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs." - Kevin Malone

"The Taliban is the worst… great heroin though." - Creed Bratton

"Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?!" - Michael Scott

"Where are the turtles?!" - Michael Scott

"If I don't have some cake soon, I might die." - Stanley Hudson

"Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame." - Michael Scott

"Who is Justice Beaver?" - Dwight Schrute

"I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." - Michael Scott

"There's too many people on this earth, we need a new plague." - Dwight Schrute

"Dwight, you ignorant slut!" - Michael Scott

"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice." - Michael Scott

"The worst thing about prison was… the dementors!" - Michael Scott

"I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious." - Michael Scott

"I don't care what they say about me... I just want to eat." - Pam Beesley

"I am Beyoncé always." - Michael Scott

"I want to be wined, dined, and sixty-nined." - Kevin Malone

"Why are you the way that you are?" - Michael Scott

"I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail." - Michael Scott

"And you know what's going to be on your tombstone? Loser!" - Michael Scott

"Well just tell him to call me ASAP as possible." - Michael Scott

"I hate looking at your face, I wanna smash it." - Michael Scott

"Just pretend we're talking until the cops leave." - Creed Bratton

"I declare bankruptcy!" - Michael Scott

"I am better than you have ever been or ever will be." - Dwight Schrute

"Sometimes when I start a sentence, I don't even know where it's going, I just hope I find it along the way." - Michael Scott

"Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship." - Andy Bernard

"You don't know me; you've just seen my penis." - Michael Scott

"Apart from hitting her with my car, I have been so kind to that woman." - Michael Scott

And of course the always classic…

"That's what she said." - Michael Scott

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Best One Liners From 'The Office'

An office is a place where dreams come true.

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10 ways to prepare for finals week—beginning with getting to the library.

Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. — Genie

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

Money

Socks

Blankets

Gift Cards

Hoodies and Sweatpants

Pajamas

Candles

A Fish

CDs

Movie Tickets

Candy

Gag Gifts

Dollar Shave Club

A Stocking of Toys

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