John Mulaney is my muse. I've watched and/or listened to every one of his recorded shows I could get my hands on. Basically everything he says is 90% accurate with regards to my life and what I think when I see things. He is hilarious and I recommend that everyone go watch all of his shows right now. One of the few comedians that has left me in tears multiple times from laughing so hard, John Mulaney is comedy gold.
1. On making and canceling plansÂ
I cannot explain how absolutely true this is. Weekday me gets excited and makes plans that weekend me definitely does not want to go through with. If only I could get it together and agree with myself.
2. On those days when it's just been one of those daysÂ
Sometimes I feel like my life is just one long string of bad days, but regardless I've been here and done this. At some point, the crap just starts to melt together and stop affecting you. It's all part of the process.
3. On being likedÂ
I can pretend that what other people say and think doesn't affect me, but if we're being truly honest, I will analyze a conversation that has happened until I can find at least five things that might have gone wrong. Busy and can't reply to me? I'll probably realize that, but convince myself that you've decided to terminate our friendship and will from this point forward be ignoring me.
4. On expressing emotions.
.... and then one day I'll die. Why tell people how you really feel when you could just let it all stay bottled up and live a perfectly miserable life free of confrontation? The answer is I don't know and I will continue to live this way until I die.
5. On over-analysis and sleep deprivationÂ
Maybe this is pretty similar to number three, but I feel that it is an entirely different emotion. There's simply overanalyzing a conversation with a stranger, then there's overthinking things to the point where you've convinced yourself that all of your friends are secretly plotting against you. Or maybe you haven't slept in three days are just emotional. Or maybe both. Who knows?
6. On drivingÂ
As far as the skill of driving goes, I'm not half bad. It's the paying attention and planning ahead which gets me. Which is basically all of the essential parts of driving and, you know, living. I apologize to anyone who might drive behind me at some point. I'm probably going to screw up, and I'm really sorry, but I also really need in this lane.
7. On other peopleÂ
People are so weird. So very, very weird. Sometimes you just have to ask, "why are you the way you are," "why would you say that," or just plain "why?"
8. On interacting with peopleÂ
I can handle people up to a certain point, but once that point is reached, I've had enough and give zero cares about whoever happens to be in my way.
9. On bad jokesÂ
Granted, in context this was a mockery of Mick Jagger, but I mean this is basically me whenever someone tries to make a stupid joke. Or more accurately, when a guy is trying to impress someone by doing some action that probably makes zero sense in context.
10. On college
The only thing he got wrong here was the price. College is like a fun game where you lose money and it's actually not fun at all, but instead incredibly stressful. I mean sure it does have its pros, but I don't think the pothole filled roads, maggots in the vegetables, and classrooms that get hot enough in the winter to make you sick are really worth tens of thousands of dollars.
