My first real interaction with Ashley came our sophomore year of high school, eating lunch in the cafeteria when some pissed off chick came swinging at the back of her head for allegedly "sleeping with her boyfriend." I didn't really know either of the girls, I didn't know the truthful story, but I did know that I was not going to let some girl beat-up someone else because she chose a shitty boyfriend. So, while the teachers were on their way, I pulled the crazy girl off of Ashely.
I need to stress that that is really all it was. I literally just pushed the girl off of Ashely, and for some reason, I became a shining beacon of "what it means to be a good friend" in the teacher's eyes. She told Ashley how amazing my actions were - everyone was shocked a friend would go out of their way to put themselves in that situation. Looking back on that moment, if that's all it took to be one of Ashley's nicest friends, it was pretty damn clear she needed some better friends.
After that moment, we started to talk more. I had never met someone like her before, she was like the rest of us…but braver. She was ahead of her time - if she had waited until college to become comfortable with herself and proud of her accomplishments then she would've been considered a role model for feminist self-love. But, instead, in high school she would wear short dresses, post revealing pictures and say what she wanted to say without apology. Because of how she presented herself, and her timing, she became a target. She wasn't actually sleeping with any boyfriends or seducing any teachers, but the truth is less important than drama when you're 16.
That didn't really matter to me, I knew how dumb high schoolers could be. Actually, I decided that I needed her in my life based off some glorified drama. The turning point in our friendship came when some girl felt compelled to share the newest rumor about Ashley going around school.
Rumor said, that this very weekend, she had given two guys a blowjob at the same time.
Her response: "I didn't even know I could do that, I'm impressed with myself. Wish I could've been there to see that happen."
And then life moved on.
I was sold.
Sitting together in classes turned into daily afterschool hangouts, getting drunk at high school parties turned into spending Christmas together, and crazy memories turned into inside jokes that I still hold near and dear to my heart. The best thing about being loved by Ashely is that it teaches you how to love yourself.
I gained enemies when I gained her. My favorite rumor I heard about myself was that I had slept with over 30 guys…which was especially weird, considering I was a virgin. Before Ashley, that would have killed me. It makes me sick to think about how much I would've cared about random words from a stranger's mouth.
Ashley set a new standard for the quality of people I let into my life. She taught me that true friends do not form opinions until they know the whole story. On the outside, you could assume that Ashley was dependent on boy's opinions or some ditsy blonde, but getting to know her, you saw a strong, intelligent, confident, independent woman taking on the world without the limitations of the average high schooler mind.
She's a scribe at a hospital now, while being a full-time student, sister, daughter, and great friend. The "school slut" made more of herself in her 20 years than a lot of people do in their whole life. Everybody needs an Ashley, a friend to push boundaries and change expectations. I hope to be an Ashley for someone one day. It should be easy, after all, there isn't a better Ashley role model in the world than mine.
