“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”
--Henri J.M. Nouwen, "Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life"
In high school, I had four best friends. The five of us were on the dance team together, and I’m pretty sure amidst the training, competitions, and performances, I saw them more than I saw my actual family. You would think that we’d get sick of each other, but even on the weekends we would want to hang out with each other. We were inseparable. We weren’t just a friend group (I feel like a lot of people in high school are friends with each other simply because they’d rather have fake friends than none at all), we were sisters. We looked out for each other, and we were better people because we had each other. Sometimes our friendship wasn’t perfect… I don’t think anyone’s ever is. However, I knew from the bottom of my heart that those girls were there for me no matter what. If everything else was going wrong, I knew I could count on them.
Today I went to visit my old high school with one of my best friends, Emily. Our high school dance team, the Tiger Girls, was having their first practice of the year, and of course, Emily and I wanted to see the team one last time before our summer travels took us elsewhere. It’s crazy that as a high school freshman I had gotten lost countless times on my way to the gym, but now that same gym felt like home to me. Seeing my coaches and my old team made me feel like I had never left. As I watched the incoming freshmen attempt to keep up with the older girls, I was reminded of all of the lessons I was taught in this gym and all the friendships I had acquired thanks to this program. You could see the nervousness in the younger girls’ eyes as they struggled during the technique class or as they attempted to not draw attention to themselves during the across-the-floor combination. Little did these girls know that their current struggles were going to be funny stories one day and that their insecurities would eventually be diminished by the comfort they would grow to feel on this team.
After watching the girls practice, Emily and I went to lunch, excited to hang out after so much time apart. We spent hours catching up on each other’s lives and the hours felt like minutes. To paint a picture, Emily is the kind of person that you feel like you can bare your soul to and still keep your dignity. She wears her heart on her sleeve and makes even the most heartless of people (me) feel like their emotions are valid. The great thing about genuine friends is that you don’t have to sugarcoat anything or make it seem like everything is fabulous all the time. I eventually broke down to her about how I was struggling a lot in dance and how I felt like a weak link on my team most of the time…and how my confidence was about the same level as those incoming Tiger Girls. For someone that usually has nerves of steel and is never really insecure, it was hard for me to admit those things out loud, even to a friend. I am an extremely prideful person and I don’t like people to know if I’m struggling. I would much rather come across as having everything together, as I’m sure most people do…but Emily is the kind of person that knows exactly what to say when you’re at your lowest point.
After hearing what I had to say, Emily looked me directly in the eye and gave me affirmation after affirmation, unaffected by my discomfort at hearing nice things about myself. It’s always uncomfortable to hear people say nice things about me, oftentimes because I feel undeserving of it, but she confidently and relentlessly assured me that I was more powerful than all of the stressors I was feeling. She reminded me to be the Sakura that was on Tiger Girls, the confident person that worked harder than anyone and never settled for mediocrity. As she said this, I began to see that the insecurities I was having now were the same insecurities I had had as a freshman on Tiger Girls. Through my four years on that team, those insecurities faded away and were replaced with confidence…I realized that I needed to do the same thing now, as I began my journey on a new team.
My conversation with Emily was a moment that made me cherish the beauty of my high school friendships. She was able to not only understand exactly what I was feeling, but to also show me that I wasn’t alone. My high school friends know me better than I know myself, and as I sit here writing this, I wonder how on earth we were blessed enough to land in each other’s lives. We love each other while also being connected through our love for dance, and that makes our friendship so special. Though our time left together is limited and we are each embarking on different journeys, I am grateful to know that I have four people in my life that have taught me more lessons and shown me more love than I could ever feel deserving of. This fall, even when we’re not physically together, I know that I will always carry a piece of them with me because I am who I am because of them.
Brenna, Caroline, Emily, and Rachel:
You’ve set the standard pretty high for any future friends that I make, and it warms my heart that I already have four future bridesmaids. I am constantly praying for each of you to not only succeed, but for you to find happiness wherever life takes you. From our jump splits on the football field to our annual Cheesecake Factory friend-iversaries, I will always be grateful that I was given four people that were by my side through all of the journeys of high school. We will always be best friends…you will always be my sisters.
