Every morning when I get up, I look into the mirror.
I stand there for a few moments pondering the idea of what I can do to make myself look better, prettier, or smarter; Someone that’s good enough for you.
You came into my life and we instantly clicked. It felt like we had know each other for years. We hung out and got to know each other and I looked forward to seeing you. Everything was great… at least that’s what I had thought.
Then, you started to mess up. You pursued other girls, you said hurtful things, you constantly gave me a hard time, made me feel crazy, and most importantly, you let me fall for you with no intention of catching me.
For weeks I was hard on myself, I lost confidence, I lost my self esteem, I lost sleep, and eventually... I lost myself. I forgave you once, and every time following. I convinced myself that this would be the time you changed; this would be the time you wouldn’t hurt me again. I began to receive more apologies, and more and more they began to mean nothing. I tried and tried to become something I wasn’t, in order to be what you wanted. To be your idea of perfection. I was what I thought, the best thing for you. I knew everything about you, and I was there for everything. I was good enough… everyone saw it BUT you.
I got to the point where I couldn’t even look at you because it made me sick. Your actions did not reflect what God’s children should resemble. How could something God created, treat girls the way you did? I began to realise something very important…. Even though I knew I was good enough for you, you were not good enough for me.
I felt God heavy on my heart one day.
I didn’t deserve someone that would blow me off when he felt like it, then squirm his way back in, or someone who was unappreciative. I didn’t deserve someone who belittled me or made me feel like a burden. I definitely didn’t deserve someone who played games with my emotions.
I deserved someone who respected them.
God was telling me that I deserved so much better than what I was receiving. He was telling me that I was too good for you, and the way you were treating me.
Though it may not be soon, I hope that you realize that while you were making drunken mistakes, you lost something that could’ve been everything to you.
My only hope for you, is that from here you grow with God and you mature into the man he’s trying to shape you to become.
Until then I will enjoy God’s precious gifts.
