Every New Year’s, we make promises to ourselves: lose weight, eat healthy, get out of crippling debt. And every year, save for a determined few, we break those promises. This phenomenon known as “New Year’s Resolutions” has been plaguing society ever since the Mayans invented their calendar. For us college students, this phenomenon comes in a different skin, more commonly known as Next Semester Resolutions. We say we’ll actually attend lectures, keep up with the textbook and study every day. What causes these resolutions to be made? Could it be that students are finally learning how to be responsible? Or could it be that looking at our grades on Canvas makes us cry ourselves to sleep at night? With finals coming up, we have more and more reasons to stress about how to possibly bring our grades up. But in reality, we don’t have to worry because here are some excuses to tell yourself and your parents for your failing grades.
The “My dog ate my textbook”: In a new updated-for-college version, this old classic is sure to convince parents and friends all around that your D- really isn’t your fault. Some might ask, is it logical for a dog to consume a textbook? Well, is it logical for you to fail a one credit class?
The “My TA hates me”: A fan-favorite, this excuse is most commonly used when failing a chemistry, math, or freshman Good Life class. It isn’t your fault that your TA didn’t appreciate your innovative way of solving that calculus problem. And it most certainly is not your fault that the writing that got you a 5 on your AP English exam is seen as “unsupported” and “lacking critical thinking” by your Good Life TA.
The “I couldn’t understand what my TA was saying”: Similar to the previous excuse, this is best-used when you find yourself in a discussion led by a TA whose name you have trouble pronouncing. For an entire semester, you had to listen to them pronounce your own name wrong, while trying to learn math concepts invented by old white guys. While you can’t say with extreme positivity that English isn’t their first language, you’re probably not wrong.
The “I’m involved in a lot of extracurriculars”: Saved for those students who love to spread themselves thinly, this excuse should be used sparingly and with proof of all of your leadership positions. Oh you started a club and planned a bunch of events for it? Then that C in Orgo is acceptable.
The “I hate my life”: Not necessarily an excuse, but it is a common phrase heard towards the end of the semester. It is most commonly used by students who realize that their extra credit points still didn’t manage to boost their grades up.
Take your pick or take them all, these excuses are sure to impress your classmates as much as your low grades do not. Even though there is no hope for this semester, unless you somehow magically learn everything for the final, there is always the shining beacon of hope called next semester. Will your grades get better then? Unlikely. But will you be prepared to excuse them? Most definitely.
