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The Best Cubs Jokes

Choke Cubs Choke

Alli Krone

Oct 11, 2016

Bradley University

3887

Cubs Suck

Nothing is better than October baseball. And since the Cubs magically made it, nothing is better than giving a "Cubs fan" sh*t for their poor choice of a baseball team.

1. What's the difference between dirt and the Chicago Cubs?

Nothing...they both always get swept.

2. Why are the Chicago Cubs starting pitchers like orphans?

Because they don't know where home is.

3. What's the difference between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Chicago Cubs?

The last Phillies World Series team picture isn't in black and white.

4. What is the difference between a Chicago Cubs fan and a pot hole?

I would swerve to avoid the pot hole.

5. Whats the difference between the Chicago Cubs and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking.

6. What is the difference between a Cubs fan and a baby?

The baby will stop whining after awhile.

7. What do I have in common with the Chicago Cubs?

Next week, we'll both be watching the World Series on television.

8. How many Chicago Cubs does it take to change a tire?

One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up.

9. What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?

The Chicago Cubs.

10. What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Chicago Cubs fan?

The bucket.

11. What does an Chicago Cubs fan do when his team has won the World Series?

He turns off his Xbox.

12. Did you hear that Chicago's baseball team doesn't have a website?

They can't string three "Ws" together.

13. What's the difference between a hotdog from Wrigley Field and a hotdog from Busch Stadium?

You can buy a hotdog from Busch Stadium in October.

14. Why are Cubs fans the best to date?

They aren't expecting a ring.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Best Cubs Jokes

Choke Cubs Choke

1. What's the difference between dirt and the Chicago Cubs?

2. Why are the Chicago Cubs starting pitchers like orphans?

3. What's the difference between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Chicago Cubs?

4. What is the difference between a Chicago Cubs fan and a pot hole?

5. Whats the difference between the Chicago Cubs and a mosquito?

6. What is the difference between a Cubs fan and a baby?

7. What do I have in common with the Chicago Cubs?

8. How many Chicago Cubs does it take to change a tire?

9. What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?

10. What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Chicago Cubs fan?

11. What does an Chicago Cubs fan do when his team has won the World Series?

12. Did you hear that Chicago's baseball team doesn't have a website?

13. What's the difference between a hotdog from Wrigley Field and a hotdog from Busch Stadium?

14. Why are Cubs fans the best to date?

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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