“I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.” | The Odyssey Online
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Entertainment

20 Creed Bratton Quotes From 'The Office' That Have Aged Like Fine Mung Beans

He's just an old man, with a criminal record, and mung beans sprouting in his desk.

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20 Creed Bratton Quotes From 'The Office' That Have Aged Like Fine Mung Beans

Almost everyone I know has seen at least one episode of "The Office." Of course, those who are not super fans usually say Michael Scott or Dwight Schrute or Jim Halpert is their favorite character. But, if you're like me, and you've watched the show so many times you can quote every episode (no, really. This isn't an exaggeration), you begin to appreciate some of the lesser characters. After my 25th run through of the seasons, I found that I had a new appreciation for Creed Bratton, head of quality assurance, and the strangest man in the office.

In fact, if you are struggling to watch the seasons again, just keep an eye on Creed throughout the episodes. In each episode, he finds a way to use his failing knowledge of "normal" human interactions to keep "The Office" fun and interesting.

Don't believe me? Here are 20 Creed Bratton quotes that prove he really might be the best character in "The Office."

"I'm 30. Well, in November I'll be 30."

NBC Universal

“I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.”

"Oh you're paying way too much for worms. Who's your worm guy?"

NBC Universal

“I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader."

"Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave."

NBC Universal

“If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?”

Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Scheider."

NBC Universal

“I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.”

“Let’s put a smile on that face.”

NBC Universal

“Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.”

"When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.”

NBC Universal

“The Taliban in the worst. Great heroin though.”

“You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.”

NBC Universal

“You ever seen a foot with four toes?”

“I run a small fake-ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the Sheriff’s station.”

NBC Universal

"If my parents see this, I'm toast."

“Hey brah. I been meaning to ask you. Can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes your guy’s gotta ride the bull. Later skater.”

NBC Universal

“You ever notice you can only ooze two things? Sexuality and puss. Man, I tell ya."

“It’s Halloween. That is really, really good timing.”

NBC Universal

"I stopped caring a long time ago."

If this doesn't convince you that Creed is amazing, I don't know what will. Between his struggle to remember what his job is and his inability to have normal social interactions, Creed provides such a dark, humorous dynamic to "The Office."

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Student Life

The 5 Painfully True Stages Of Camping Out At The Library

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

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Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

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You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

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December... it's full of finals, due dates, Mariah Carey, and the holidays. It's the worst time of the year, but the best because after finals, you get to not think about classes for a month and catch up on all the sleep you lost throughout the semester. But what's worse than finals week is the last week of classes, when all the due dates you've put off can no longer be put off anymore.

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28 Daily Thoughts of College Students

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

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I know every college student has daily thoughts throughout their day. Whether you're walking on campus or attending class, we always have thoughts running a mile a minute through our heads. We may be wondering why we even showed up to class because we'd rather be sleeping, or when the professor announces that we have a test and you have an immediate panic attack.

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Lifestyle

The Great Christmas Movie Debate

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

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The Great Christmas Movie Debate
Mental Floss

One staple of the Christmas season is sitting around the television watching a Christmas movie with family and friends. But of the seemingly hundreds of movies, which one is the star on the tree? Some share stories of Santa to children ("Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"), others want to spread the Christmas joy to adults ("It's a Wonderful Life"), and a select few are made to get laughs ("Elf"). All good movies, but merely ornaments on the Christmas tree of the best movies. What tops the tree is a movie that bridges the gap between these three movies, and makes it a great watch for anyone who chooses to watch it. Enter the timeless Christmas classic, "A Christmas Story." Created in 1983, this movie holds the tradition of capturing both young and old eyes for 24 straight hours on its Christmas Day marathon. It gets the most coverage out of all holiday movies, but the sheer amount of times it's on television does not make it the greatest. Why is it,
then? A Christmas Story does not try to tell the tale of a Christmas miracle or use Christmas magic to move the story. What it does do though is tell the real story of Christmas. It is relatable and brings out the unmatched excitement of children on Christmas in everyone who watches. Every one becomes a child again when they watch "A Christmas Story."

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StableDiffusion

As this semester wraps up, students can’t help but be stressed about finals. After all, our GPAs depends on these grades! What student isn’t worrying about their finals right now? It’s “goodbye social life, hello library” time from now until the end of finals week.

1. Finals are weeks away, I’m sure I’ll be ready for them when they come.

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