Some compliments come from strangers on the street, the people who see you but don't know you.
I've gotten the infamous "wolf whistles," the usual body inspections disguised as head nods and distant smiles, and the shouts from car windows with plenty of obscenities.
I've also received passing comments like, "I like your shirt," or the people who stop and say "I just had to tell you that you're really beautiful." While they cheered me up, they're still superficial.
We need to observe more than bodies and appearances.
Better compliments come from acquaintances who notice your habits.
I knew one person who came up to me one day and told me I never stopped smiling. She equated that with me being a cheerful person. I wasn't, but she told me she appreciated it anyway.
Another acquaintance observed that I said insightful comments in class.
The best compliments come from those closest to you - those who know your insecurities and quirks.
I've been told I'm a great listener, someone whom people can confide in, a calming presence. I've been told many things that inflate my ego or dismantle my humanity, but I've only been told one thing that made me feel like I was valued in an indescribable way.
They said, "You're not a person."
Out of context, this seems even worse than what the strangers did, less meaningful than the acquaintances, but it meant more to me than any other compliment.
We had been sitting on my futon for hours, talking and complaining about drama, school and work. All of our seemed more serious then and we couldn't hold anything in. We yelled and cried and apologized for our outrageous behavior until she lifted her head up from a pillow and enlightened me.
"Sometimes, I just get sick of people," she said. "But I haven't gotten sick of you."
I asked her why, thinking about all of the things I do that might annoy people. I interrupt people, I complain a bunch, I am way too stubborn...
"You're not a person," she explained. "I mean, you're not people."
I didn't pry for more information because I understood. To her, I wasn't included in the group of people who frustrated her, like those strangers who sexualized her or those acquaintances who didn't take the time to learn who she was. I wasn't on the same spectrum as those people. In fact, I wasn't a person at all.
I was something even better.
