It was a late winter night when I grabbed my keys for a 2003 Hyundai Sonata and made my way across town. I shuffled through playlists to find the best choice for the ride. Kendrick? No, Liam can’t stand Butterfly. Chance? Possibly. I ended up settling on Drake’s Views. Although I prefer Take Care much more, Views was on heavy rotation during our last couple of weeks of high school.

By the time I decided on the right song, I was already in front of the house. He opened the door and I shot him a gaze as if nothing had changed since graduation. He hopped in the car and proved that to be true. We drove back into my town and went on the prowl for things to do. Driving around all night would not be acceptable. I don’t know how the thought came over me; it could’ve been my twisted side acting up, or it could’ve been that I was thinking about it in the morning. So I drove into the preppy next door neighborhood to do some doughnuts.

It had been a snowstorm the day before, so roads were still icy. The first place I thought of was a vast open parking lot so big, it could’ve probably been two football fields wide. When we entered the long and winding exit, a black SUV followed us in. I tried to shrug it off like loose snow on my shoulder, but the bright high beams kept bringing my mind back to it. I circled the parking lot keeping a semi-sharp eye on the follower. My friend just kept cracking jokes about it, as if this did not bother him one single bit. When we circled back around, it was revealed to be some couple who stuck their Grand Cherokee into a pile of frozen snow. That didn’t stop me from bolting out of the lot at fifteen miles per hour.

I breathed out my disappointment and breathed in relief when I found a neighboring parking lot that seemed perfect. There were lines in the snow, showing that we weren’t the first with this brilliant idea. There was a big pile of garbage covered in a thin layer of snow. I positioned the car perfectly so we wouldn’t blow up the large pile. As soon as the perfect position was in place, my friend and I enjoyed an evening that can only be described as sensational.

I would go into detail about the kind of doughnuts we did, but it’s hard to explain. The pure thrill of having a car going in very fast circles is something you need to feel for yourself. Also, there’s not many ways to describe circling in a car. I did it frontwards and backwards; both versions were incredible. I felt my inner animal coming out to play as some doughnuts came accompanied with very loud screaming. These weren’t screams of fright, it was more like screams of adrenaline. It felt as if all this time, I had finally discovered the true edge and I planned on living there.

The next day, my dad took the same car to work all the way across many towns. He called to tell me that he got a flat. I didn’t need to google whether or not doughnuts could’ve caused flat tires; this was indeed my fault. That night over dinner, or maybe as soon as my dad came in, he asked how hanging with Liam went. I told him we were doing some doughnuts down in some abandoned parking lot. He turned from any direction with a shocked grin and the phrase “oh really” already popping out of his bearded mouth. I ended up paying to patch up the tire. This filled me with relief as I felt the guilt wash away from my already clouded mind.

There’s not really much of a point to this story, other than the fact that I like it. It led me to think about the edge. Is this really where I belong? I’m at an age where I should be encouraged to try new things, yet many peers, friends, or complete strangers have already fallen into habits, myself concluded. Should I really fall into habits of restraint at 18? That’s possibly the worst age I could probably choose to start playing it safe. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but I do know that I don’t want to spend it in an office working a nine to five. Sure, when I told my dad about the flat, I was scared. In the end, all I had to do was pay twenty bucks and money doesn’t bring happiness. I mean you need it to live, but a little less doesn’t really hurt. After some introspection and other psychological nonsense, I decided that there’s no better place to live than on the edge. Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a good day.